It’s been not quite a month and she is adamant that she wants to go home. I’m at my wits end with calls every day from the nursing home. This is so stressful!
This is not how your mom and dad envisioned their elderly years. Separation and the feeling of loneliness are difficult for your mom and dad to adjust to. If your mom is in the late stage of dementia like you say, you can tell her most anything, she won't remember. The home she's referring to isn't a place, it's a time in her life. Even if you showed her pictures of her last home, she wouldn't recognize it. When people request to go home, you have no idea where they think they are at the present time. Maybe they think they're at a restaurant, or on vacation somewhere and it's time to head home (again, not meaning a specific place). This is where fiblets come in handy. “We'll be going home soon, mom”, might work, or, “we'll leave as soon as I'm done with this”, whatever “this” might be. Use Teepa Snow's favorite phrase, “tell me more”, “tell me about home, what are you going to do when you get there?” Or you might say that we've moved and this is our new home. A dementia NH staff should be well acquainted with these strategies.
Your everyday calls from the nursing home tells me that the staff hasn't had any dementia training, and doesn't know how to handle your mom's request to go home. Being able to respond to “I want to go home” is covered in dementia training 101.
There are certain issues the staff should keep you informed about like a change in meds, for example. You might make a list of things you would like to be contacted about, it would be quite short, and if her behavior is not on your list, ask them not to call, you'll check in at your convenience.
First I would stop answering your phone. If it's important whether it's the nursing home or your mom calling from it, they can leave a message. Second you just say to her that she is home, that this place is now her home. If she continues on, you continue saying the same things as well. Hopefully in time she will get the message and stop asking. And if not you'll have to try your best to change the subject. I'm sure it is stressful, but you know that she is where she needs to be, and for that, you should have some peace. Best wishes.
I have not personally dealt with this situation. Others on the forum have, so please stick around for responses to your question.
Best wishes to you and your family. I can see how this situation would become tiresome after awhile and that you would feel hopeless in not knowing what to do. Have you asked the staff or social worker at her facility what they feel is best in this situation?
When people request to go home, you have no idea where they think they are at the present time. Maybe they think they're at a restaurant, or on vacation somewhere and it's time to head home (again, not meaning a specific place). This is where fiblets come in handy. “We'll be going home soon, mom”, might work, or, “we'll leave as soon as I'm done with this”, whatever “this” might be. Use Teepa Snow's favorite phrase, “tell me more”, “tell me about home, what are you going to do when you get there?” Or you might say that we've moved and this is our new home. A dementia NH staff should be well acquainted with these strategies.
Your everyday calls from the nursing home tells me that the staff hasn't had any dementia training, and doesn't know how to handle your mom's request to go home. Being able to respond to “I want to go home” is covered in dementia training 101.
There are certain issues the staff should keep you informed about like a change in meds, for example. You might make a list of things you would like to be contacted about, it would be quite short, and if her behavior is not on your list, ask them not to call, you'll check in at your convenience.
Second you just say to her that she is home, that this place is now her home. If she continues on, you continue saying the same things as well. Hopefully in time she will get the message and stop asking. And if not you'll have to try your best to change the subject.
I'm sure it is stressful, but you know that she is where she needs to be, and for that, you should have some peace. Best wishes.
Best wishes to you and your family. I can see how this situation would become tiresome after awhile and that you would feel hopeless in not knowing what to do. Have you asked the staff or social worker at her facility what they feel is best in this situation?