Mom age 72 is trying to keep my dad age 82 out of the nursing home and care for him at home. - AgingCare.com

Mom age 72 is trying to keep my dad age 82 out of the nursing home and care for him at home.

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He has congestive heart failure, chronic renal disease,(kidneys functioning at 21%) pacemaker, diabetes, and other. He has been having TIA's as well. He is also very unstable and falls frequently. Transitioning from bed, wheelchair, & potty are almost impossible. Changing into pajamas and clothes is almost impossible. He is 220 pounds, my mother is 120 pounds. Home health care has been called in but only offer very limited assistance. My sisters and I help as well but we work full time and live 30 minutes away. What other options are out there for my mother to receive help with caring for my dad? A friend of mine told me about Hospice and that there are different levels of Hospice care. My dad is not going to "get better" but he isn't necessarily going to die in 6 months or less either. Does it sound reasonable to get our doctor to refer my Dad to Hospice care? It's so hard to make the right decisions with all of this. My mother's goal is to keep him at home as long as she can....

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It sounds reasonable to me to have your dad taken to see the doctor for an evaluation about his being ok for his wife to take care of him at home with home health help or for a nursing home. It sounds like all options need to be placed on the table at this point.

I can understand her goal to keep him at home as long as she can. My step-dad wanted to see that my mother was cared for at home as long as it was possible, but it reached a point where it was not and his being in a wheel chair did not help the situation being safe either. I'm not sure that old people can always take care of old people.

Do you have medical POA for him? Even if you don't, you can still tell his doctor how you perceive things are at home. BTW, do you or one of your sisters have durable and/or medical POA for each of your parents? Once you get this immediate situation dealt with, I would try to get these other things in place if they are not already.
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If he is eligible for hospice, I would recommend taking advantage of it. But I doubt that is going to fully solve your mother's issues. I don't understand what you mean that home health care only offers limited assistance. Limited hours are covered by his insurance? They come but they can't assist with transfers? What? Is it a matter of finding the right level of help?

To keep Dad at home, Mom needs more help, especially with transfers and lifting tasks. It should be possible to arrange that, including getting some equipment in the home to assist.
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