Is my Mom just mean or are all old people this way?

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She's secretive about her money also. I'm on her account. I'm on her bank account, but she doesn't want me doing anything with it. She let me know that she thought she was paying my electric bill. I had to print out her bills and MINE and take them to her so she could line them up with her bank statements. She says things that are rude, she hasn't talked to my sister in over 2 years. My brother wont even come to see her but once a year. I could go on about how she will only associate with people who meet her criteria, who look just right, dress just right, etc. Seriously, are all old people mean?

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How old is she? Health issues? possibly dementia?

My mother never associated with anyone much at all though she gushed at a distance over anyone who had a huge house, expensive car and so on. She could never grasp the suggestion that, for all she knew, the house was mortgaged to the hilt, the car was a leaser and those people might be up to their eyeballs in debt.

I'm grateful that my father was a very practical man, never had a credit card and was happy with whatever he had which has rubbed off on me. I live very simply in a tiny cottage in the country, my truck is covered in mud and dog hair - both paid for and I have no debts - and I probably look like a bag lady most of the time but we have water, plenty of food, warmth and nice beds. We have all we need and I'm perfectly content.
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Bren, I am old and I am nice. Always have been.
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No, they're not.

Once, when I went to visit my 94 year old great aunt, I saw among her mail a letter sent round to all the residents in her apartment block by a young man who had sublet the ground floor flat from his parents. He was writing to apologise formally for coming in at all hours, holding a party, and playing loud music - clearly, the Residents' Association had "sent the boys round." When I asked Leah if she'd been disturbed by this anti-social behaviour, she shrugged and said "I'm just glad to be able to hear anything." Leah was blithe, generous, grateful and loving, and remained so until her death at 99 and three quarters. I have no idea what her secret was.
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@ ashlynne,
i work for a lot of wealthy people and id like to add that many are spoiled, self centered jerks and liars, and are miserable. money might be a necessity but it wont guarantee happiness or peace of mind.
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My Mom doesn't have a mean bone in her body! She's 91…. But that damn dementia is a mean disease!!
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Let's add a little perspective here. Put some Vaseline in your eyes, stuff cotton in your ears, duct tape your knees and elbows in place, wrap you in a tight corset so you struggle to breathe or bend, put on heavy mittens and grease the soles of your shoes. Now go about your daily routine. Don't forget to take at least five different medications and pee your pants hourly. Are you having fun yet?
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I've met many elders who are kind considerate and loving right up to the end. They tend to be active and giving and others are kind and loving in return. I pray I will be the same.

My mom is hateful at times, loving and cooperative when she wants her way. She too is cranky and accusative, paranoid and jealous and these behaviors have gotten worse and more pronounced with her dementia.

I don't take it personally (although a struggle at times) but remind myself to be kind to her and others and hope I'm extended same in return especially in old age.

Don't judge everyone who is old the same. You will find many the exception.
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I had a cranky, critical, judgmental and argumentative step-parent, and I was filled with resentment and anger. After decades of anger, fights and family unhappiness I decided that I could not live like that any longer and so I started being very kind and considerate to him -- listening carefully to his complaints, asking his opinion, helping him out, making little friendly jokes, taking him out to lunch and movies. He seemed suspicious at first, but I persevered, and finally we started to enjoy each other's company. I cared for him him through his final illness. His last few years of life were happy ones and when he died, I missed him very much. It took a lot of patience, time, humility and faith to do it, but I am very glad I did. Might now work with everyone, but it is worth a try.
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My mom had Macular Degeneration, arthritis and many other issues. She was as nice as pie and never complained. There are also plenty of younger people with medical concerns that are pleasant. Feeling bad doesn't entitle anyone to be mean, especially to people who are cooking your meals, bathing you and putting a roof over your head. Stay strong.
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Not in my experience.
My aunt 95 was a delight, my uncle 83 died caring about others and my dad 92 showed me nothing but gratitude and love even through his hardest days. Grandma's, 95, biggest last regret was she had become less useful to us, she wanted to continue caring for us.
However, uncle was never "fun or lighthearted", dad could be quiet pushy and beware if you got in granny's way. These are my loved ones who have passed. All were normal with good and bad traits, and the remained that way. Except my aunt she was always a blast, the original cougar left behind a loving morning handsome boyfriend 17 years her Jr., he was by her side to the end,..but I digress.

People (excluding dementia brain changes) do not change personalities because they age, they can become more vulnerable and self-concerned thereby self centered as they become sicker and weaker. How they deal with this is driven by their personality

I also have elderly neighbors that are lovely and one that is a raging b--tch, but she was a b--tch when I moved here 20 years ago.

I have no experience with dementia. I also believe some medications can make you act wacky.
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