My Mom, with dementia, is jealous of my Mother-in-law since I'm now caregiving for both of them. Any advice?

Your mom has dementia. No amount of logic and reasoning is effective with someone who is losing/has lost the ability to reason. Just lavish Mom with love when you are with her, keep reassuring her that you love her. Ignore the 67 messages. Above all, don't feel guilty for not being able to be all things to all people who need you. Do your best and feel proud.

I think having Mom's health aid work extra hours was very smart.

I also agree with Jeanne and Countrymouse..

It is very important that you have another family member help with MIL now.. You have enough on your plate dealing with your Mom, let others take over for MIL..

Taking care of your Mom is a full time job..

I had the exact same problem! Except my mother in law was jealous of my mom!
Mom was 93 and bedbound and MIL was 84 and jealous when I would be staying at my moms caring for her.
In hindsight what I should have done was to insist that other family members step up to the plate and care for her. I did not do this and suffered for it. please take my advice. Set your boundaries now. Let all family members know what you are able to do and what you are not able to do. Make sure you are very clear. Do not beat around the bush.

I have the same problem............only it's my MIL who is jealous of my own mom. All three of us are widows. MIL (alzheimers and bedbound) lives with me and my mom lives alone about 4 miles away. When I occasionally have my mother over, MIL gets angry. So my mom stays away (is scared of MIL) and I have to get a sitter for MIL just to see my own mom. It's okay - they wouldn't get along in this small house with me anyway. Too much estrogen lol Do they even still have estrogen at 89?

Well, I'm with the people who say you can't explain much to a person who has advanced dementia.

Where is your husband in all this?

You did the best you could. You're NOT superwoman. You will have your own health problems if you continue to try to take care of both.

One or the other needs to go into and/or have full time caregiving. And it shouldn't be you.

Oh Yeh!! Our new neighbours have just got everything done to thier house extensions you name it ME i think good for them! My mum has been cursing like mad she is so jealous she just keeps doing it looking out the window shouting "ba.tards" they are getting everything done that i want.

I hope she dosnt say anything at the house warming oh god im so scared maybe i should leave her at home but she may climb over the wall.

do be careful . i had mom and aunt competing to see who could be the biggest pain in the ass for years . 6 years ago it came to an explosive ending -- my brain broke on a really rough hepc treatment , the jealous women were directly involved , and after a year of hell i crashed on the floor of the va stress unit and lost my opportunity to kill the virus . i had to make a big decision . i walked away from my aunt . her family were skating like thieves . they had no choice but to pick up the slack . now mom is gone and im happy to help aunt . i couldnt do both . it temporarily cost me my sanity and nearly cost me my life -- essentially over a couple of jealous , demented old women .. they had lived their lives , in hindsight both put together werent worth mine ..

What other family has your MIL got? I completely agree with Jeanne, and I completely agree that you had no choice about how to handle your MIL's crisis; I'm just wondering whether there is anyone else you could call on to help from this point.

It's just that there is no way on earth of explaining to your mother why you can't be there for her so she is bound to get scared and upset. If your MIL is lucid and can understand the situation, then gradually delegate her care to someone else instead if that's possible. It's a matter of who needs you more, when there is only one of you and you cannot be everywhere. Best of luck.

Sorry i wanted to say that attention seeking is very BIG part of this illness if im on the phone shell say something to get me off,as im typing here shes constantly at me wanting me to talk OR watch tv with her. Its just madness nothing you can say or do can change this but you can help yourself by ignoring her as it drives you "buggy" my mum was never an attention seeker until now she cant bear me to take my attention away from her but i dont let her control me now i just walk away and ignore her the more you give in to them the worse she will get.

I agree with you guys, do your best thats all you can do.