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She isn't eating and I'm not sure what to do.

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People who have dementia often have trouble swallowing. It may present with spitting out the food.

Her brain may not be telling her to swallow, which then causes her to hold the food in her mouth and to perhaps pocket it in her cheeks. Then she doesn't know what to do with the food, so she spits it out. She may even spit it at you or at others at the table. It's not necessarily a hostile act. It's more likely that she can't figure out the next step in swallowing, so she gets rid of the food in her mouth in the most logical way. She may let food dribble out of her mouth as well.

If you are feeding her by hand (and at this point you should be), your job is to encourage her to swallow after every bite. You can stroke her throat or cheeks to encourage the swallowing reflex. You can watch carefully to see if she's swallowed the last mouthful she took. Don't offer another mouthful until her mouth is clear. Don't offer liquid when she still has food in her mouth.

If she refuses to eat, and if she doesn't have pain from her teeth or other mouth issues, consider that her body may be shutting down. She may have little or no appetite. If her body's shutting down, eating and drinking will cause her pain, so of course she'd want to avoid it.

If you haven't had her evaluated for hospice care, it's time. They will probably administer a swallowing test, or you could ask her PCP to order one. The test would give you some answers and perhaps helpful advice would be provided. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with a difficult problem.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Perhaps she's having some issues with her teeth and it hurts when she try's to chew, or she now needs to have her food pureed and her drinks thickened with the product Thick-It to make it easier for her to eat and drink and not worry about her food and drink going into her lungs risking getting aspiration pneumonia, which is very common with folks with dementia.
Just a few options to consider.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Nutrition is important..

does she like ice cream, shakes etc?

1: try mixing a bit of ensure into her smoothie or protein powder into milkshakes.

what is her "GO-TO" treat

work around that.

2: smaller portions.. one teaspoon or smaller at a time..

3: ask her first what she in the mood for; tuna sandwich; clam chowder, grilled cheese sandwich?

She just may be trying to gain control of something that she is losing with her dementia.

It broke Mom. it was not safe for her to be in her own home and every decision she said no. that was her control to say no.
Maybe this is what your mom is feeling the loss of control even to the point of what she is putting in her mouth.
This is not a fun disease to navigate.
Nor is any other disease,
It's not easy..
It may just be a little bit of defiance, if you will..
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Reply to MAYDAY
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Oh geez..
not sure if you are offering food,
Or
actually trying to spooning food into her mouth..
it almost sounds like she is being stubborn...
any physical health issues?
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Reply to MAYDAY
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