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My mom isn't doing well and could not live alone. Mom has some dementia, gets confused, won't listen to doctors, probably drinks too much and really barely gets around or leaves her bedroom. When she does get up, she falls a lot and has bruises, cuts etc. Dad is an enabler & complains about mom A LOT but then won't take help and gets hostile if you try to assist or offer solutions. He tells my sister to butt out or back off. My sister lives nearby (they are in Ohio) & is so frustrated. I'm in TX & trying to help her and them from a distance. Do my sister & I have ANY legal right to take action since dad isn't getting mom the help she needs or making her follow advice the doctors have given her? This is sad but my sister and I feel like we're waiting until dad dies (probably heart attack from stress) & then we'll have to move in and figure out what to do. We don't even have copies of their wills or anything. We don't know their financial situation either. It is heartbreaking, terrifying and overwhelming. Any advice on our situation? Thank you to everyone in advance for any thoughts or ideas you might have!!

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I just wanted to thank everyone so much for taking the time to post answers and comments. They are all helpful and it's reassuring to know that my sister and I are not in this alone. I'm working to get my sister on agingcare because I know she could benefit by asking questions and reading articles. Thanks again.....
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You and sis need to go and get things under control.mim also a long distance caregiver with similar issues. I've had to make extended visits getting control of the bills, finances, fixing up the house for the mobility issues, getting meds organized and all the rest. I'm retired so im able to take the time. It was a fight at every step with my dads dementia but I had to just giterdone and let him be pissed. Worst case senerio is guardianship to take control but they may not be mentally incompetent at this point.
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It is unfortunate, but you cannot help someone that doesn't want it. Perhaps your dad won't meet his demise, but maybe he will be hospitalized. If that happens, then your sister can explain that neither parent is able to care for the other.

Then, both folks go off to the nursing home and someone needs to figure out the finances. (Which might not be easy.)
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I will keep you all in my prayers. My mother has parkinsons dementia alzheimers... She has it all because no one seems to really want to figure things out. My father is her caregiver but they moved back by us and we all help out as much as we can. It breaks my heart for you knowing how you must feel not being there to help. Please tell your sister to find a caregivers support group in her area they can help her with so many things!
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You have the option of calling Adult Protective Services. It may not go well as things have to be pretty bad before they take action, and dad will then push you away even harder. Unless you two can get together and set up a geriatric evaluation that Dad will bring himself and Mom to and maybe when he hears the same thing from someone else besides his own kids he might listen, or if you know of anyone whose opinion he trusts and respects. I hate to say it because you obviously care a great deal, but Dad generation has an unfortunate tendency to devalue and defy when a female tries to tell them what to do, and double that if the female is their child who tries to tell them what to do.
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