My mother is 78 years old - which doesn't seem so old, but she is. She's been in bad health for several years. My dad died a little more than 2 years ago and I've watched her go downhill. She has COPD, has had 6 bypass surgery seven years ago. Recently she was diagnosed with stage 2 lung cancer. After chemo and radiation, she seems to have won that battle...no signs in the lymph nodes, etc. Her short term memory began getting bad and I wrote it off as "chemo-brain", but it's been 5 months and the memory is getting worse. She seems easily confused and agitated. She recently was back in the hospital with pneumonia and due to her overall health, she was sent to rehab. She signed herself in and said she'd do what she was told. She's been there 2 weeks and she won't cooperate. She'll do arm exercises, but refuses to walk or do any kind of leg exercises. If she won't participate or improve, Medicare will stop paying and they will release her. She lives in Assisted Living, but she doesn't take care of herself. Her apartment is always littered with papers and Kleenex on the floor, the cat box full (and she always says she cleaned it the day before). I try to get over 2 - 3 times per week and spend the time cleaning (often she refuses to allow housekeeping to come in). I was thinking she was lazy and taking advantage of me. Now I think she can't take care of even the little things anymore. Although I have medical POA, until I can have her declared incompetent, I'm limited on what I can do. I'm torn between leaving her in AL with some additional care for quality of life, but I feel she'd be safer in a long term facility for her safety. I have an appointment for an geriatric evaluation in April, but won't have the results until May - and that's IF I can get her in the car and to these appointments. How do I choose the right course, how do I qualify her for Medicaid to help pay the costs of long term care (she private pays for AL) and how do I declare her incompetent without humiliating her? I'm her only caregiver. My sibling is estranged from the family - and in my opinion, just waiting for my mother to die to see if there's any money left. She stole from my mother's house the day after my dad died. She is not someone I can turn to for help. Feeling really stuck. Thanks for suggestions and advice.