My Mom (88) lives alone which she prefers, over the last 7-10 years she is very angry, hostile. What can we do? - AgingCare.com

My Mom (88) lives alone which she prefers, over the last 7-10 years she is very angry, hostile. What can we do?

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She refuses to be examined by Dr. She is hearing impaired, she goes out by herself. She does not want me or my siblings to help her, she is a very, very angry woman, what can we do?

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So sorry I reread it and she is 88. My error.
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What is she angry about? Is she angry with you? Can she drive safely? This anger that she has sounds like depression to me. How old is she? There's a big difference in being 50 or 90.
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Babalou raises a number of good points about paranoia. If she is a danger to herself or others, call Adult Protective Services. If you are worried about her driving being unsafe, call the department of motor vehicles and report her. If you have input you want to offer her doctor, while the doctor cannot tell you anything due to HIPPA laws, you can tell the doctor anything you want. But don't display hostility toward her, there's no value in it for either of you. Otherwise, you just need to back off; maybe have a deal with a neighbor of hers or an old family friend to let you know she's doing OK and otherwise leave her alone. Sooner or later she will have an incident that will require your involvement. Inform yourself by reading up on elder law and estate law. Good luck.
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What happened, or changed, around the time that she began to withdraw from you? Do you know? If you can retrace your steps and figure it out, it might help you to find a way to get through to her now - if you want to, and if it's possible.

But unless she has dementia, she makes her own choices and you are not to blame for them. It is hard, and I'm sorry.
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If she is getting around by herself and doing things for herself without your help, she probably resents your intrusions. I know I would.

Leave her alone. Just call and check on her once a week, make sure she has access to email, phone, etc and lives in a safe community. If she doesn't, then make those things happen and again - leave her alone. It's her life and she's probably sick of you butting in.

When the time comes that she needs more help, call someone in help her - not you. My mother is that age and lives alone and she does just fine. She lives in a gated retirement community, has lots of friends, does things all the time with them and they check up on and take care of each other.

Again, my advise is, leave her alone. She obviously does not like you.
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You let her go . Angry won't get you guardian status. Now if she wanders off in her nightie to the grocery store, the judge will put you in charge. It is so nerve-wracking to wait for that to happen, but we have to. You will chew off all your nails like many of us.
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Can you communicate with her even though she's hearing impaired? Does she say what she's angry about?

Sometimes elders don't experience their children's concern about them as they grow older as a nice thing, but as condescension or an attempt to steal assets. Sometimes elders are harboring paranoid thoughts (which can be a symptom of dementia and/or mental illness) and we don't realize that that's what is going on.

Has your mom always been an angry person? If she won't be examined by a doctor (and that can be about so many things; weight, hygiene, etc) would she go to see a psychiatrist just to talk?
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