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I'm worn out after 5 months having her live with me. We barely have money for help once a week. I am not happy she is not happy. she has not qualified for Medicaid. is it wrong to just wish she'd die. or me. who has felt this desperation?

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Okay, back to the beginning please. Mom has dementia. Has doc written a script for skilled nursing, is that what she needs or would she still be okay in something like AL? Start from where her needs are. You applied for Medicaid? What was denial based on? If it's too much income, you get an elder care attorney to do something called a Miller trust. Too many assets, you spend down and spend them initially on mom's nh care. Don't start from what you can afford, start from what her needs are. Work from there. Dementia patients always want to go "home". It's not a place, it's a state of mind. "When the doc says you're strong enough, in a couple of days, after the cold season" are all good dodges.
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Chris's mother is in an advanced stage of dementia, so I know how difficult it is. I lost track. I know your mother was in a NH at one time and wasn't happy. I don't know if there is going to be a home that will make her happy. Dementia can bring such sadness with it. Sometimes I wish all people with dementia became happier, but it isn't the case too often. I feel for you.

Is there a way that she can return to the NH that she left? There has to be a way to swing it financially, perhaps by selling her house if she still owns it. I know that you need some relief from this stressful situation.
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Really? Wish she'd just die? Wow. I'll say one thing: not many would admit what you just wrote. *shrug*

So, okay, she doesn't qualify for long-term nursing home care. Must not have a skilled medical need. I'd say that's the main reason; as income is seldom sufficient to disqualify one from Medicaid. They just take all you make and pay the difference. Or else? You can afford it yourself.

In the Chicago area, there's an assisted living facility that one can move into, very nice, for around $1500 a month (if you negotiate). Three lovely meals in a restaurant setting (from a full menu). Great social programs. A la carte services are available.

Maybe you could start investigating that kinds of places for mom. Or set her up in a senior apartment and give her some help two or three times a week (yourself).

Where did she live before? How did she support herself? Seems to me there should be options...
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yes income and didn't qualify for longterm
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do you know what kept her from qualifying for Medicaid?
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