Mom is threatening to leave AL. I’m just asking for reassurance that she’s in the best place and I did the right thing placing her there.

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My mom has been in an AL residence since August and she hates it. We placed her there on a MPOA and doctors orders, so pretty much against her wishes. She had been living with me for about six weeks and it wasn’t working. This is a small, very well run residence with a very caring staff. Mom has serious memory problems and can’t live alone. She makes too much money for Medicaid assistance, but barely enough money to afford the AL residence. I visit three to four times a week, we go out to lunch, and I do crafts and other activities with her and the other residents. Other than being her 24/7 activity director, I don’t know what to do. Even when she was living alone she complained of boredom. She has no hobbies and doesn’t watch tv. She was terribly bored when she lived with me. She has no memory of living with me, or of selling her home, or of any event that has occurred in the last couple of years. She hates it there and threatens to leave constantly. I guess I’m just asking for reassurance that she’s in the best place and I did the right thing placing her there.

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I so understand... Note that I believe that Dad saves up his "unhappiness" for me. His visits from anyone else (though very infrequent, except for my daughter) are all pleasant and without complaint. I visit every day, sometimes twice a day. I thought about backing off, but I know our time is short, and I can leave if it's too unpleasant. I have found that he's developed a bond with a few of the other men. None of the three of them participate in activities much at all, but they like to sit together 'along the wall.' I think it's so that they can watch the activity of the others. I also remind myself, when I want to bring him back home, that there is an entire staff doing all that I would be doing almost completely alone.
And, Frequentflyer, it's interesting because of Dad's dementia, but he has talked about wanting to go back home, but it is definitely back to the home that he lived in for almost 59 years, where he and mom raised my sibs and me. I'm sorry for him when he's sad, but I'm also glad when he remembers it -- he so loved that house and the years he had there.
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Momasays, yes, you did the right thing by putting Mom into Assisted Living. Your Mom is getting a higher level of care that what we mere mortals can't provide without a lot of training. She is with Staff that have been on this rodeo hundreds of times, and know exactly what to do in each situation.

One thing I would suggest, cut down on the visiting. By visiting 3 or 4 times a week, Mom will wait for you instead of joining in activities. I remember visiting my Dad just about every other day when he first moved into senior living, and eventually cut it down to one weekend morning.

I believe many elderly parents will say they hate living in Assisted Living, pout, maybe throw a tantrum thinking maybe by doing this they can come back to live with you. With memory issues please note if Mom says "I want to go home", that usually means her childhood home.
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