My Mom (90), has been living with me for 8 years I can't take it anymore she is such a martyr. What can I do?

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This women is the guilt master, she driving us driving me to drink I can't do anything by myself .if I go outside she watches me out the window. When I cook its always terrible. I'm a great cook ,she hates herbs,.ugh killing me!!!!!!!!!always throwing guilt trips on me . "I just sit in this chair all day and no one talks to me" BECAUSE ALL YOU DO IS COMPLAIN, .... PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME , I SERIOUSLY HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM, ITS THE ONLY WAY I CAN COPR WITH HER!!!!!!!

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How old are you and your mother?
Why is she living with you?
Does she have any diagnoses of anything besides just getting old?
Was she always like this or is this a fairly recent change in personality?
Is she able to feed, bathe, dress, & toilet herself without help?
Is she on any kind of medication?
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It's not apparent from the post whether your mother has medical conditions or not. If she does (maybe even mild depression), then you may be able to get some help in the house to at least relieve you. If not, that is great, and perhaps she's just bored, in which case adult daycare or senior centers may be of some help.
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First of all, cut back on the alcohol. It hurts more than it helps. One or two drinks a day is the most any woman should consider. You don't want to get into bad health habits because of your mother. Many people do drink or smoke to deal with the stress, but it actually makes people feel worse, so not a good thing. (This is not said to be judgmental. It is just speaking of these substances effect on our mood and stamina.)

I found myself wondering what was wrong with your mother. If she is bored, maybe she would prefer an independent or assisted living facility, where she will be around a lot of people to keep her company. She can't expect you to sit around with her all day long. That would be torture.

I have the same problem with my mother when it comes to foods. If I cook something nutritious, she says it's not fit to eat. She likes fried chicken and fried fish and bacon. She will only eat a spoonful of vegetables. The bad thing about this is that my once-healthy diet has declined because I got tired of the squabbling about it. I try to compromise by cooking a meat she likes with a lot of vegetables. She ends up eating a lot of meat and little vegetables. She doesn't have a vegan bone in her body.

If it is totally not working, just tell her. There are many other options out there for her. It may be hard to convince her to try something new, but if you're both miserable, there's no point in extending the misery. (Believe me, I know that it was easier to write that than it is to get it done. The feelings of obligation and guilt can be terrible when it comes to our parents.)
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