My dad has Lewy body dementia and and my mother has classic Parkinson's, my dad is more advanced than my mother is with dementia. He is about six months away from going into a dementia care facility. My mother is spending a lot and even after speaking with her about toning it down, she still spends erratically---to self medicate her mental issues I presume with a touch of dementia. (7k on clothes last year---she doesn't wear them!) She has very little concern over my dads care or well-being, and is essentially checked out. Since my dad spends nothing, how do I protect some of this money for HIS impending care? I have POA and am co-trustee of their trust account. Do I seek to have her declared incompetent and take over? We can't seem to get through to her. Is there any way do help this situation aside from playing hardball (declaring her incompetent).
Then give Mom an allowance. "We are now on a budget plan". If Mom wants more money to shop, then ask her from what column should she take the money? From the utility column? Ok we will turn down the heat and turn off the cable. From the grocery column? Ok, oatmeal every day for the next two weeks. If she plays your bluff, then turn down the heat and unplug the TV, and make that oatmeal.
Eventually it will sink in. Your Mom probably was so use to shopping back when her hubby was bringing home a regular paycheck. Unless she had worked outside the home, and that money was her play money.
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