Mom is now repeating almost chanting" Maryjane", which is not my name or calls out constantly for "mom". Anyone else dealt with this?

I am glad to say that my Mom hasn't started that yet. But I want you to know that I feel your pain, every day there seems to be a new challenge. Someone on this site will have experienced this just hold on they'll respond...

Mine calls me Mom. It bugs me and creeps me out a bit. But I guess thinking I'm her Mom is better than constantly calling for someone who can't be there.

My mom is quite advanced and does sometimes call out "mom", and I answer her as if I am her mom. It seems to comfort her and relieves her wondering who I am when I say, "Hi Mom!". She'll be so bewildered and ask 'Who?". Works for us; she's even called me "Daddy" and "Grandpa"! I do love it when she knows my name or calls me honey and sweetheart; golden nuggets! Best of luck. ♥

My husband does not call out for hhis mother he often, sadly, says that he misses her. It is possible that when his dementia gets more severe, he might forget that she is no longer alive and call for her.

Take a good look at drug interactions before you allow med changes. You may hit a bump in the road when something is added or deleted, and many SSRI or SSNRI medications take two weeks for full effect.

With dementia, the brain can 'get stuck' in the past, since long term memory stays intact longer than short term memory. Therefore the person loses track of current dates, how old they are and what's happened in the previous years. My Dad, has at times, identified my Mom as HIS mother, and me as his wife, when he's 'stuck back in the 1950s time frame'. Or he'll say, " I think I want to go visit Lloyd (his brother, who is long since gone) today" at times. We gently just say, " No, that's Mom...this is your wife" or gently get back into the year it is now and then help him remember that Lloyd died a long time ago of lung cancer. Or help him grasp that it is 2013 and his own Mom died in 1988...a long time ago. Then I might focus on how we all traveled to Maine together, remember?? And you and I walked all through the cemetery and you showed me where the family plot was....etc etc...so we go off talking about something related to all that which was enjoyable for him. But I remember how it threw me off the first time he seemed confused at my house one morning, and said, " Where are we anyhow?" I helped him get reoriented and my Mom was in the kitchen washing dishes, and in the process of saying things like, 'Remember, Babe, our dog over there?" or "See the table, that's where we always eat dinner."....I said, " Well, who do think that is in the kitchen?" And he looked at Mom for a bit long and then commented, " OH...that's my Mother! I've been wanting to see her again!" When Dad does that, I don't tell him he's wrong if I can figure out a way to let him figure it out. On that day, I called Mom and had her come over and just said to him, " Well now that you can see her better, who is she?" And he was easily able to say, " OH...that's Waneta. I know you!" And we just let it go. Sometimes this happens, and when he can get it corrected himself, he acts a bit irritated, like what's wrong with US, that we led him to think it was someone else! But you just have to blow it off. He gets very upset sometimes when he figures out he was totally off, but I can generally diffuse that by saying, 'Well, guess your brain just isn't connecting the right way this morning" or something. He can be well aware that his memory is shot and be in touch with the fact that he knows he has dementia. Before he got so bad last December, he was actually able to joke about it and would call on the phone and say, " Well the brain cells aren't working today and I need help. Can you help me remember thus and so....?" So he can still get in touch with that knowledge sometimes still. If he seems upset about it, I can jokingly say, 'Well Dad, that's why you have Mom and I....so we can help you remember and keep those brain cells organized". Because of his education and career etc, it seems important to him to clarify this 'brain problem' rather than him sitting thinking he's just all messed up. So this seems to work for us. It might not help another person?

I forgot to say....have you tried asking her 'Who is Maryjane?" or get her focused on talking about Maryjane? Or perhaps when you have to do something like folding laundry, bringing it by her and asking her to help fold smaller items while you 'visit'? Sometimes, just trying to change the focus that their brain has to deal with, will stop the behavior or the focus on something strange. I can often distract my Dad from what he is obsessing about, by giving him something to do with his hands. My Dad was a mathematician and an electrical engineer. Mom and I had one visit with him, where his brain was so stuck in some 'analysis' place that we could NOT really visit, because everything coming out of his mouth had to do with math equations or problems. It was so weird! Generally I can get him to refocus, but even going out for a walk and trying to get him to tell what a flower was named, he would come back with, " Well, that's a hibiscus, BUT, you know how they make that? They have to add 235 and 1842 and then you take the square root of that answer and multiply it x4 and you can make another one of those!!" or some such nonsense!! Everything came out that way. All I could respond with was, "WOW, DAD, that is really interesting! How do you do all that math in your head?" or things like that. It went on for 2-3 hours and it was draining to try to even be with him. But, in some ways, fascinating as to how the brain functioning gets 'stuck' in a funny place.

She probably doesn't mean to say mom, but since you're giving care to her it comes out without thinking. After strokes my grandma and mom call me by their sisters names and sometimes mom. it's the first word we know in our brain so it stays with us.

I've often found "going along with" is easier on the dementia patient and on you. Especially when they are in later stages.

My dad said help me help me 24 hours a day the week before he passed. It broke my heart.

It's not just something that happens to people with official dementia: It's a basic human thing for people at the end of their lives to call for their oldest attachments, especially their mother. It will help you deal with it, the more understanding of that you are. You don't have to "do" anything about it. Some possible empathic responses: "Yes, you miss her, don't you." "She loved you, and so do I." "I think her spirit is still with you." "Yes, it would be great if she were here." One good way to spur your imagination to come up with your own empathic scripts is to ask yourself, "What else can I say that could start with 'yes'?"

Everything good advice on these posts. I went through some of these same things with my dear deceased husband. He thought I was his sister, his mother, and sometimes he did not know me at all. We could be sitting side by side in our chairs and he would ask, "Where's my wife?" I did not say, "I'm right here". That he would not have understood. So...I would go in another room, change my cobbler apron, come out and say, "Were you looking for me?" And of course, he says, "Yes, am I ever glad to see you. I thought you had gone out and left me." Alz./dementia...whatever... is a horrible disease and no two patients are alike. JennyM's answer is the short and sweet version. Bless all of you who are in the caregiver role - remember, the person you are taking care of is not the same person nor will they ever be again - the person you knew, but...they are your loved one and they deserve the very best we can give them. They may not remember who you are, but they will remember your kindness to them. xxxooo with love, blessings and prayers for all, you are doing the Lord's work here on earth.

My father-in-law also called out for Ma, what he called his mother. It was about all he could say at the end. Hard stuff.

JD this is normal progression for many with dementia/alzheimers. Charles I have seen a few in NHs that do this and I don't know why. Perhaps they aren't even aware of it. My mother is in a NH close by and on my way back from grocery shopping this morning I dropped in with some strawberries I'd just picked from the garden. She was cordial (can often be very nasty) and I told her the store and small town close by where I'd shopped. She didn't recognize the store's name - a chain where we shopped very often over the years - and asked where the small town was - I've taken her there several times since she's been in the NH. I mentioned there was an old car show in the next village but I was staying home (my old cat is very sick) and, despite being taken there a few times in recent months, she didn't recognize the name or know how far/close it was. I noticed her calendar was missing from the notice board in her room and she said she'd turned it to September, it was too heavy and fell off. She was convinced it was September 1, her wedding anniversary. My parents married over 65 years ago and Dad has been gone 15 years. Gently told of the day and date she just said she got confused. We had a nice short visit - I'm there 2 or 3 times a week unless she gets one of her nasty/evil sessions when I stay away to preserve my sanity.

From what I've read, I guess it's just the progression of dementia - the short term memory is shot but the long term memory remains. As things progress I don't care what she calls me, so long as she's not nasty, and her memories are precious to her. So far she's not talking to people who aren't there but I expect it will come in time. She's deteriorating very rapidly, mostly in bed asleep or in a wheelchair. If you can, just take it one day at a time.

My mom is constantly asking if her mother and father are still alive. Her mom passed 12 years ago at the age of 101. Her father passed 50 years ago. She also asks about one of her sisters that died 60 years ago. The brain is such an odd thing. Her short term memory is absolutely gone, but even some of the more important long term memory is gone. Maybe it is the brain protecting her from the trauma of the loss of her father and sister.

When she asks I tell her they passed and how long ago. Many times, it is like she is hearing it for the first time and the grief of the initial loss is then again displayed. The worse thing about this, sometimes, she gets angry with me and tells me things like "if I find out your are lying to me, I will disown you!" I never take these times personally and realize that it is the disease that is talking, not my mother.

If she was a "child of the 60's" she might want to get high????? Hope it made you laugh!

Thank you all for you answers. Maryjane was my moms cousin who passed away before I was born during childbirth. They were very close. Makes me think her time is getting closer. BP dropping weekly and appetite going. Love and prayers to you all.

My husband, in late stage dementia, calls out "Mum! Mum!" a lot (he is English and even though we have lived in the US for 54 years, it still sounds like "Mum" with a "u"). I assume that most of the time he is calling for me, and I respond as such. After all, I now function as a mother to him and it hardly seems worth trying to correct him. Sometimes, though, he does use my first name, and the other week he said to me, "If you see my Mum, tell her that . . .:" and here his voice faded away because he forgot what he was going to say. He has declined recently to the point where very little of what he tries to say is clear enough to be understood, but there's no question about the "Mum" call. Always clear and plain as can be.

Had a hard time with this as well. Mom was having a very rough patch and kept asking for Daddy. I kept saying he was coming soon to visit. It became apparent that she wanted HER Daddy (Howard) who passed 20 years ago! Now I make the differentiation between Daddy Howard and Daddy her husband. She was calling me Janice, her oldest sisters name and I just went with the flow, cause at least Janice was her favorite sister, LOL! At one point for several days she told me she could see Daddy Howard, I really think there is something to seeing the long gone spirits when the time approaches to leave. She pulled out of that episode, but is declining rapidly now, I expect that Daddy Howard will be back. My father would be horrified that she wanted her father and not him, but I don't think he picked up on it. So very very sad!

I'm not religious in the usual sense. I guess I'd call myself a spiritualist as I am a strong believer in the spirit world. I think there may be something to the fact that, close to the end of life, people often speak to and say they see those who have departed. The day my father passed, 15 years ago, my apartment was filled with a strong smell of chrysanthemums. I checked the hallway and balcony but, no, it was inside. Then I remembered my grandfather, my father's father, had a hobby greenhouse and grew the most wonderful fragrant chrysanthemums which adorned the dining table every Christmas. To me it was a sign that grandfather had come to collect his eldest son and guide him on his journey into the hereafter.

I'm open to and good with what anyone believes in but, over my lifetime, I've had many encounters with the spirit world. From my perspective be happy that the spirits of those long passed are with your loved one to be by their side on their journey. I wish you all peace.

My Dad said his deceased brother came to visit him several days before he passed.. I believed him...

jd, its so normal ! So many did it at the daycare and my Mom did it for probably 10 months or so. It was either "mom" or her "husband" both deseased. I learned the hard way not to tell them they are gone! I just say "oh shes at work, or Hes stuck in traffic" and she was surprisingly fine with it! It got to the point I could say she or he was in the bathroom and then she forgot again. The Alz support group told me to treat them as if they are a customer and the customer is always right, works great! It got to a point Mom thought my husband was hers and my husband would hold her hand all through dinner each night and we sang old songs and christmas songs to her, no worries, its just so sad for them. You know when child hurts themselves they call for MOM, well thats what they are doing, they are looking for comfort. Dont let it get to you, there is SO much worse to come, like peeing on the floor, lol. Gotta laugh or cry.
RR

PS you can also say "tell me about Maryjane, what does she look like?" or "what does your Mom look like, does she have pretty blue eyes like you, etc etc" It sometimes gets them thinking and they stop for a while. Its just a phase. Try music!!! Lawrence Welk DVD's, anything!

When my great aunt was in the NH with dementia, she thought I was her cousin. I just went with it. She used to tell me that she called her mom to come and stay with her there, but her mother couldn't come right now. Once she thought her mother had left her car in another town, and she walked out of the NH to find it. Obviously she didn't get far, and they put a GPS ankle bracelet on her that would sound an alarm if she got too near the exit. She thought it was a bandage because she had been bitten on the ankle by a dog many, many years before. As others have said, they seem to go back to the past. I felt it brought her comfort, so I just left it alone. When she would tell me all about her sisters who had all passed long before her, I would just listen to her tales. She told stories about them as though they were young. It would have just upset her if I had told her they were all dead, so I felt the best thing to do was to just listen and go along with her stories.

Maybe she wants one last joint. "mary jane"??? Sorry. A feeble attempt at humour.....we can laugh or cry.;)

Ha Ha Jenny. ;) I didn't see yours before I posted mine. We think alike!

I don't see any humor in "one last joint" for anyone with Alz./dementia. Yes, we can laugh or cry, but with respect and compassion. My husband passed away just 3 weeks ago and we had our laughs, joys and sorrows for almost 42 years. JD, your Mom was close to Mary Jane. That is a compliment to you. Meds can have a lot to do with what goes on in her head and what comes out of her mouth. Take care of yourself first, she needs you healthy. xxxooo

Nanfran, thank you for the hug. I'm sending one right back to you via this post. You are special and thank you for sharing your post. It is not an easy time, being a caregiver is not for the faint of heart. If I had a chance to do it all over again, I would. There is a void - an empty chair and a place at the table.

Please just remember, anything they say that is incorrect....it doen't hurt anyone . To correct them will confuse them more and sometimes cause anger or worse confusion. I know it hurts your heart but your best to go along with them as much as you can . Sort of the old attage "don't rock the boat". If they are in late stages or truley passing find the srenght inside of you to tell tehm it is ok to go on to be with Mom or whom ever they seem to be calling. After all maybe they are seeing them but are confused to leave you or go to the one calling them. Think back as a child wen you were ill or hurt...you wanted your mommy . sadly they are wanting their mommy too. Try to be "mommy" or what ever it takes tokeep them content. God bless you and sta strong.

When my mom was in NH rehab following hospitalization for a fall, the lady across from her, all day and night long, kept repeating the name of the facility. It was five words and 9 syllables, over and over. It was driving my mom to distraction. Because of HIPAA laws, they're not supposed to discuss another patient's situation, however I did discover but this woman's family had abandoned her after the money ran out and turned her over to a public guardian. The guardian looked in on her and saw to her needs but couldn't really have a meaningful discussion, knowing nothing of her history.

When we care for our people, just because we know their history doesn't mean we always have to share it with them. We have to be constantly perceptive to choose the time, depending on their level of need or anxiety, to fill in the blanks, persuade them into a different topic or pretend to be someone else. Knowing them so well helps us select the best course of action.