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My mom has been refusing to take any meds and eats only a few bites here and there and drinks chicken broth. She is very dehydrated and is now on hospice care.


Mom has given up and doesn't want to live. Is there a chance that with comfort and pain relief she may start to feel better and want to take her meds and get better? If she refuses pain meds will she be in a lot of pain?

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Since she is on hospice, ask if they provide a social worker who can come and speak with you. Many programs offer this service. They can help guide you through the process of what to expect. They can assure you that patients usually do not suffer from hunger. It may offer you some kind of closure.
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I think the worst thing in the entire world is watching a parent die. We have no control over it, it's something we can't fix, something that tears us apart, and yet something they're ready for. But we aren't. Who's ever really ready to say goodbye to someone they love? When my dad was on hospice with an inoperable brain tumor, I wasn't ready for him to leave the Earth. He was though, and once he made that decision, he only lasted for 19 days. And so he did pass without pain or suffering, but it was very hard for ME to witness. My 92 y/o mother just got over a bout of pneumonia, which may have been aspirational, they're not 100% sure, and wound up in Memory Care afterward & fully wheelchair bound. She coughs constantly herself, so I don't know what's going on, really. I do know that it's all very hard, and I feel your pain. We do have to respect their wishes, I believe, even though it's so hard to process.
Best of luck, dear woman.
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Please honor your Mom's wishes. It seems that she has decided on a course of the only means we have to hurry along our deaths. She is refusing most food and fluid. The problem is that taking in SOME food and fluid can well make this at the least a month long process. Even small amounts of fluid will sustain life for one half month. This is her wish. I think hospice will offer her comfort care and medications to help her soon drift to sleep. As to whether she might not decide to change her mind? Of course that could always happen. Try to leave it in her hands and offer her what comfort you are able. Let her know you will support her wishes and her care to the best of your ability. Sorry for your grief.
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I am sorry that you are having to witness this, she has decided that it is her time. That is her choice, make her comfortable talk to her, prepare for the inevitable.
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coffeeaddict, my Dad [95] had aspiration pneumonia, this is where food/water goes into the lungs instead of into the stomach, thus Dad was always coughing which was very exhausting for him. Sadly there wasn't anything anyone medically could do to correct this matter in my Dad's case. It doesn't fix itself.

In all fairness to my Dad, he was doing what he felt was best. No way would he have had any quality of life trying to remain in this situation. Hospice was called in to make sure Dad was comfortable.

I know we want our parent(s) to be with us for many more years. One has to view the quantity vs quality of life. I hope your Mom will start to find comfort in the pain meds.
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I am sorry that you are losing your mom.

If she won't take any medications for pneumonia it will take her life.

It sounds like your mom is tired and ready to move on, love her the best you can while she is with you.

She may change her mind about pain meds if her breathing becomes really labored or she goes septic you can then administer the medication if you see she is in pain. Hospice will help you understand what body signals are pain indicators.

Hugs, it is difficult losing a parent.
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