My mother in law is 64, in a rehab nursing home after open heart surgery, 6 additional hospitalizations for various health issues, a sternum repair surgery. After the final surgery she was released to a nursing home. The 3rd day she fell, because she wouldn't call the nurse for assistance. Her oxygen tubing wasn't very long and she said she forgot her cannula was in her nose, stood up and was pulled backwards onto the bed lost her balance and fell to the floor which then caused a hairline fracture in her pelvis.
We all love her but she has been rude and mean to her son & daughter, and makes unnecessarily ugly comments about their spouses, when they try to help.
Both have families of their own and have suffered panic/anxiety attacks from the stress of trying to assist their mother. She makes it hard to help her both verbally and physically.
Now she is in rehab and wants them to handle her mail, pay her bills as if she needs a secretary.
She acts very clear minded in front of certain people and then when her son or daughter is present she becomes very weak, she can't focus and shakes as if she has Parkinson's, and is so nausea she spits all the time. The doctors have run so many tests and they state physically she is in great shape. She does have type 1 diabetes & severe depression her mental state has made here look more like she is 85 than 64.
My husband & sister-in-law feel it is important not to give into these whims because she needs to maintain some independence. We do not know what to do or how to help her. Should we step away?