Mom is obsessed with trash cans. Any advice?

As long as someone is with her taking out the trash, it is most likely
something that has to be done until another obsession takes over her mind. My mom had obsessions too. She watched the neighbors' house across the street for robbers because the neighbors were in the service and out of town a lot. It seemed she thought it was her responsibility. She would tell me she saw someone upstairs in their house or someone going in their house nearly every day. Nothing was ever going on over there. All I could do was tell her I checked on it and the police have been watching for anything unusual or that it was a reflection in the window that she saw, and would even say and saw it and I was fooled too by that reflection. When they were home she watched them constantly too. She'd tell me they hadn't washed their curtains in years. Hmm, I said, should I go tell them to wash their curtains? She had a good sense of humor, so she'd laugh. When I moved her to assisted living she started it up again with a house across the street from the facility. She even had a partner then in on it. Another lady too really felt the need to watch the neighbors with her. I tried also to get her to do other things than watch the house across the street. She was on medications that were to help her with anxiety, but they didn't help with obsessions. They might for your mom though.

At least she's keeping things tidy
:)

Your story reminds me of a funny trash can story from my childhood.

My uncle was always late in putting the trash cans out to be picked up. My aunt would become infuriated and yell at my uncle if the trash wasn’t picked up.

One day he was almost on time and the garbage collectors were just a couple of houses ahead collecting the neighbor’s trash. So, he whistled at them and motioned for them to return to his house. They did and he gave them a big tip!

LOL 😆, the garbage collectors started waiting outside of his home when he was late, knowing that he would always tip them heavily so he wouldn’t be yelled at by my aunt.

Hey, the bright side is like Catskie says, things are always neat at their home. The trash isn’t piling up!

As far as the neighbors being disturbed, are you kidding me? I have absolutely no idea when my neighbors are putting out their trash. I don’t know and I don’t care! I doubt that they are watching when the trash is going out.

Start looking at the real issues here, her dementia is the problem. Get her on meds so she can stop focusing on the garbage!

Solution: HIDE the household trash somewhere she won't look instead of throwing it into a convenient trash can where she can see it.

The trash can will always be empty, then, and presumably she will have some peace from her obsessive need to take it out -- as will you?!

It might be a little inconvenient to always whisk every bit of trash away into a hidden trashcan location, but still less maddening than taking a trashcan to the curb every minute of every day. Think of it like going camping and not leaving a bit of trash out or it will attract raccoons?! Your mom is a raccoon...

Anyway, the point is that you can't change your mom's obsession so the only thing you can change is the trash itself. If your mom is perfectly happy and contented with her obsession, then it makes little sense to give her anxiety medication, which comes with side-effects.

My mother, 97, is also obsessed about trash day. It seems to be a common theme. As well as locking the doors and people getting in the house and stealing.

So, I am the one on meds now. My skin is broken out, I’ve lost and gained weight, and my hair is gone grey. I don’t eat properly and I feel I will die before her. Her OCD behaviour, her agitation, her night wandering, bathroom hygiene, has caused me so much pain and stress I had to say “enough”.

Luckily, we were able to get her into a beautiful facility and I am trying not to be a helicopter daughter. It’s still tough and I worry, but someone on this forum said, “it can’t be all about her all the time!”. That really helped and I tell myself that every day. I’m easier on myself now.

Could you play into it a bit? Like turn it into an activity to sort the (clean) trash and take it outside a few times a day? It's good physical activity even if it feels dumb to you.

I remember my friends grandpa no longer understood why the seasons changed and why the leaves were falling..he got so upset about it until she made up this wild saga of a story that entertained him for hours. Dementia reverts the mind back to that of a child.

My father was also obsessed with the NYC Department of Sanitation. He would constantly lecture me as to where the cans needed to be left. He was putting them on the sidewalk property line which I thought was not correct since I always put the trash a curbside. We actually got into skirmishes about this ridiculous thing. I finally asked the trash guys where the can should be placed and they said I was right. They never said anything to my dad because they knew he was elderly.

I really appreciate those guys.

Obsessive thinking in loops goes with the dementia territory. You will likely not be able to distract mom from this thought pattern for very long, or, it will change to a new and equally meaningless one. Empathy is no longer in the picture, her brain isn't working properly so trying to "explain" things to her is a waste of time. Ativan helped my mother calm down quite a bit, especially with agitation from Sundowning in late afternoons.

I suggest you read this 33 of booklet online about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.

Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller 
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580

Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.

The full copy of her book is available here:

https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2

Good luck to you see 

I agree with others to ask her doctor about prescribing meds to calm her anxiety.

My mom had anxiety about arriving at the doctor’s office on time. We were never late for any appointments. I made sure to have her there early.

Then, my mother would say to me, “Honey, why do we have to wait so long to see the doctor?” I told her, “Mom, we are a few minutes early for your appointment because you become anxious about being late, so we are going to have to wait for a bit longer.”

This type of behavior goes along with the territory of dementia.

I have to chuckle a Little I have trash Night too - There is a sense of accomplishment and a Job well done . Listen It is a Lot Better then a Hoarder . My Dad will sweep the floor 10 times a day and Obsess about the tiles . Obsessive compulsive disorder . You could try a Little CBD oil or a CBD gummy after Lunch to calm her . My Doctor told me " they would Let a lady with dementia fold all the Laundry all day Long Its what she Liked doing . " Having a chore gives them a sense of Purpose , structure and Routine so You should be Happy . Except for going Out in the dark . I Know the other morning someone was rifling thru our trash at 4 am and I Jumped Out of bed .