My Mom is never satisfied. Any advice?

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I'm not there enough or call enough. I go to lunch once a week. I take to docs. I am going crazy. I work full time. I have a family of my own. Every time the kids call then she lectures them. They moved to be near us if they need us. I didn't realize that they want all my attention. Don't know how to deal. Now my husband and I are fighting about it.

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If only that little voice in our heads that keeps saying we are bad selfish people for ever saying NO to our elders had a little OFF switch...
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Ah. So, you get to try to not let her make you feel bad. Easy job, that...not! Even if you are a very very good daughter and doing all kinds of things for her, it is so hard to not let those guilt buttons get pushed. I take it hubby does not have your in-laws next door criticizing his hair style and the way you two are raising the kids and keeping house, or he'd "get it" a little more.

Well, at least he's on your side, and that has to count for something. I bet some of her requests are so unreasonable as to be humorous, at least in retrospect. Maybe that's the ticket. "She just asked me to leave work early...to pick her up a bag of Cheetos and sun screen at Wal-Mart - for her annual trip to the neighborhood pool that she is planning for July 27!!...Honey - I am DONE feeling bad, this is ridiculous - we are going to go out AFTER work and bring her back a six pack of margaritas and tell her to chill...after we've had a couple ourselves!"
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He gets mad that my mom makes me feel bad.
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You can give them SOME of your attention. You can't give them ALL.

What is your husband in disagreement with you about?
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Your right I need to go to the club house and get a calendar and then take them both to the events. Good idea. thanks
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Janet, those types of communities often have a lot of social activities. Take your mother to some, help her get acquainted with others in the community.
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Here is the situation. It is my mom and dad. My mom is the high maintenance one not my dad so much. They live in there own house in a 55 and over community. It's about 5 min. from us. I know I don't have it as bad as some people but I haven't lived near family for 30 yrs. I find it difficult to deal with the high maintenance. I always feel guilty.
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Get the activity calendar and ask mom if she is going to X or Y today.
As for the kids, phooey, you are spoiling the heck out of them.
Go on vacation with hubs and tell the kids to fend for themselves.
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Don't answer her phone calls but once a day. If you do some planned ignoring, she'll participate in the activities at Independent Living. How long has she been there?

Has your mom been evaluated for cognitive decline? It took us months to get my mom to call on staff for assistance (I don't want to bother them) or to go to activities. But eventually she did both.
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