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We are waiting for a room to open up in an AL facility. She is first on the list. In the meantime, the IL facility has been patient for the last two months allowing her to stay, but knowing she has progressive dementia and told us they won't renew her lease. Christmas Eve was an eye opener for all of us. Her dementia and memory has gotten so much worse over the past month I can see almost a day to day deterioration. She couldn't understand the plans we had for the holidays although I wrote them down in several places, including the whiteboard - which she had erased, why I don't know. She didn't recognize a couple of the relatives, remained silent almost the entire evening, ate little, and kept forgetting what happened two minutes ago. She seemed to be in her own world. I live in fear I will get a call any day saying "come get her, she doesn't know where she is". Life is cruel, she is healthy physically, but at this rate, mentally she will become a living vegetable in six months. She will be 100 next week. I feel sad saying this, but a person can live too long especially if there is no quality or awareness of life any more. How long can a person with alzheimers at her age go on when they reach the point they are totally unaware of what is going on around them? This is so very sad and frightening.

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AmyGrave, oh my gosh, don't you wish you had a time machine to redo the past two years and to have been able to have over ruled your sister so that your Mom could already be in a continuing care facility. Now you have the fear of the unknown and all of the what ifs. I am hoping a room in the AL will quickly open up to help you settle this issue.

Maybe it is time to step back.... why not turn everything over to your sister to deal with since it was her idea not to have put your Mom in an AL a year or more ago, thus it now should become her responsibility. Why should you have to shoulder all of this? I know, I know it is easier said then done.

Wow, your Mom will be 100 years old. Amazing. I remember back when my Godmother [Mom's sister] was 99 she was sharp, up-to-date on everything, and we would chat every now and then on the phone [lived out of state].... but as soon as she was approaching 100, she no longer called me, and if I called her she had no idea who I was, I was amazed at how quickly her memory had went. Then and only then could my aging cousin move his Mom into a continuing care facility for a couple of months until she passed. She had refused to move from her single family home. It's not over, my cousin is still helping his wife's Mom who is 100 years old and still in her own home alone.
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Amy, she does not sound well suited to AL. They need to fully evaluate her and get written orders for any care like bathing, dressing, meds. She must accept that care and not yell or throw things. If she is not eating, I would ask the MD if it is time for Hospice care. So sorry to say that, but not eating is a critical sign of decline.
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Amy, does the facility your mom is in have an agency it works with to provide caregivers on site? You might, short term, hire a companion or aide just to sit with mom during the day to keep her safe and occupied. You poor lady, you are certainly dealing with a full plate today. I hope this improves.
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I know what you are saying Babalou and the thought has crossed my mind many times in the past few days. The AL has a memory care unit attached, so once we get her in AL, she should be able to transition there. I am not too thrilled with my sibling, as I wanted to move Mom two years ago when I first saw her deterioration, not being able to use appliances, not bathing, poor memory, etc but I was fought tooth and nail on it. Now it is going to be more traumatic for Mom as her coping skills have slipped so far. If we had done this two years ago, she would feel comfortable there and have friends. Now she is going to come unglued. Christmas has been a nightmare. She calls over and over asking the plans, tears up or erases the schedule I gave her, gets all upset not remembering what I told her two minutes ago. I am NOT happy with my sibling who forced this delay (to avoid feeling guilty) until it is almost too late. I'm a wreck trying to figure out what to do if all of a sudden she doesn't know where she is and we have nowhere to move her. My sibling's spouse is ill so moving her there is out. I have a big 3 story house and a bad back. I can't take care of her and can't trust her near stairs (she climbs over gates) I'm frantically trying to find a temporary solution if we can't move her to AL before she gets really weird. I am so MAD at my sibling because now I have the responsibility to dealing with it.
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Amy, are you sure that AL is going to be a high enough level of care for her? Is it a Memory Care AL? I so feel your pain, dear lady; this must be agony for you and you sister.

Make sure that the folks who have assessed her in the past for AL are aware of her recent deterioration. You don't want to be faced with moving her again soon.
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