She is on Medicaid because of her age. She does not qualify for Medicare. This is the only ALF I have been able to find that will take her. It's ok - but not the best and the Director has violated HIPPA policy in front of other residents many times. My mom hates her roommate (she is in a 10 X 10 room with a roommate.)
We believe she may have Dementia (waiting for final results). Now they also want her to have a bone scan to see if she has an infection or cancer.
I cannot have her live with me as I work full time an hour away - so I am not able to care for her. She gets mad that I won't let her come over. I cannot pay for her to live in another facility - most facilities are $1700 to $2500 a month and she only has $700. I do not know where I can go for help. I have tried the department of elder affairs - however she is too young. I haven't tried hospice yet - but with no diagnosis - I don't think she qualifies yet.
I have been caring for her alone for the last 5 years. I have a family (4 children) and she is very demanding of my time. I work full time. I just want her to be happy and comfortable and cared for. She calls me 5 to 10 times a day. I can't always take her calls and then she gets mad at me for not being there for her.
I get very angry and depressed. Although many times I drop what I am doing to help her - it's never enough. She demands that I let her move out on her own and respect her wishes - but the doctors have told her no she cannot live on her own. She doesn't remember those conversations. Then she demands that I let her stay with me - but I don't really have a place for her to stay. And then she would still have to go back. She would be literally sleeping for 8 hours and then going back and I wouldn't have any meds for her. (She is on a lot of heavy narcotics and I frankly don't want them around the kids anyway.)
She refuses to give me power of attorney - but I am supposed to deal with her bills and take care of everything she wants.
I have been to a therapist - but just talking doesn't feel like I am getting anywhere. She hasn't been able to suggest any viable options.
I feel very stuck and helpless. I feel angry that I can't do more. My brother passed away 2 years ago and there is no one else in the family able to help. She basically alienated herself from everyone in the family and has drug me away as well. The family got mad at her and now doesn't speak to me because I am her daughter.
Any help or advice or resources to where there might be help or aid would greatly be appreciated. I can't keep up the pace that I have been going at for so long. She has been sick off and on for 20 years. I took care of her for 5 years after high school - then my grandma took over until she passed and then it has been just me again for the last 5 years. She could live like this for another 20 years for all I know and I don't think I can handle it. It has affected my health - my relationships with friends and family and my relationship with my children.
I feel guilty not helping her...but most days I don't want to even talk to her at all anymore.
Thank you for your time.