What to do if my 90 year old Mom is jealous of my best friend and any attention I give my friend? - AgingCare.com

What to do if my 90 year old Mom is jealous of my best friend and any attention I give my friend?

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my mum is like this shes fine when im here and running around after her but if i want to go off and see any friends she goes mad and hurls abuse at me.
I learnt to just leave emergency numbers and RUN so far i leave her on her own 3 nights a wk or id be in a looneybin. I did get my brother to stay but she dosnt want him staying either as its NOT FAIR on him?? to save a row i just leave her as she can be so nasty.
My mum wants me here and nobody else my brother says that its becasue im the only one who she "trusts to look after her??". I think she thinks i owe her as im living here rent free as she has thrown in my face lots of times?
She dosnt want my friends coming here and dosnt want me going to them and yes its all about her but she was never like this before the illness.
Anyway my mum knows im a pretty hot head and that no matter what she says ill do what i want im not putting up with her crap anymore and she dosnt seem to say anything now?
When my brother was home his freinds came up and mum went to her room and sulked? YEP looking for attention and want ALL of yours. Dont bite just see your friends she will get used to it!
I have a friend whose mother sits in the room when his friends used to call EH they have stopped calling he is her maincaregiver BUT she dosnt have dementia if he asks for privacy she says its my house and ill sit where i want shes an "OLD BOOT" just nasty and no health problems hes a doormat and because his dads dying words were "look after your mum for me" hes chosen to put up with it so sad he has no life but he lets her treat him this way.
When i do (very rarely) have friends round my mum goes to bed then thumps the floor if she wants something?
Yes they want attention and it seems to be constant its so tiring but i dont let her get to me anymore.
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Call the MD and report the change of demeanor. Dementia in early stages shows tantrums and resentment and should not be tolerated. Rewarding bad behavior only escalates it.
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Sunflo our mothers must be twins! I'll only visit every so often now because the years of stress have taken such a toll on my health. I take cookies, chocolates and treats and ensure she has all she needs but I make sure I have a clear day the day after to recover. Her dementia is just about full blown and recent visits have been dreadful. Along with my old black lab, who came from rescue last spring, I have mother's little dog so if she starts kicking up I say "I have to go let the dogs out, poor things have been alone for hours" and that lets me run for my life.
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Ashlynn's, yep that's my mom. No friends, alienated all friends, neighbors, family and won't go to senior center or mall walkers because full of old people (moms 91). Only wants me and won't go out with anyone else. I only visit about every 3 months. She complains about being lonely, but not so much to me anymore because I tell her she has the power to change that by calling an old friend, going to senior center, or being friendly to the neighbors. But she still refuses so she lives a lonely life. I've decided in the last yr I'm not responsible for her happiness and she has means to make things different.

It's sad and I often feel sorry for her because her last yrs could be so much better. Visits are painful and lonely for me too because her world is so small and isolated.
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A life long narcissist my mother was always insanely jealous of anyone getting attention if it wasn't her. Has that always been your mother's way? During the 4 years I cared for her if I dared go anywhere I'd return to her ranting and raving about something or the other. She alienated the few friends she had, along with the neighbours wherever she lived, and refused to visit a seniors centre because it was "full of old people".

When she first went into a NH she constantly complained (and often threw a tantrum, screaming down the phone at me calling the poor woman a b*tch) if/when the staff attended to her sweet room mate before her. Now she has her own room she constantly pulls stunts and the call bell so the staff (servants) will run.

If your mother won't attend a seniors centre or attempt to find new friends and interests your only choice is to stand your ground, set boundaries and stick to them. Sounds harsh but you deserve a life too.
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Could this be a jealousy of your time and attention? Is this BF a love interest? Consider trying to plan a fun informal activity that you can all participate in, lunch out? A movie? Card game? Maybe they can get to know one another better. Maybe if your BF brings over a special treat or small gift to warm mom up to him/her, maybe flowers, small gift basket.

Try to give mom a little extra attn and try not to talk about all the things you do with BF.

Lastly, if mom is still jealous even with the new efforts, then you will just have to be frank and reassure her, I love you mom; but I need some outside friends and interests too and hope you can accept that". If mom doesn't have her own friends or outside interests maybe it's time to get her to spend time at senior center a few hrs a week so she can meet new people. If not, maybe you can help find some volunteer senior companions thru your community that are willing to visit occasionally so mom has her "BF" .
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