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Babies are NOT the same to care for and I hate it when a well intended person flips that off as an answer.

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If they think it's no big deal tell them you'll be dropping off the laundry each night for them to do.

I'll tell you a story. We had a relative who, in order to flee the Nazis, walked from Belgium, across the north of France to get on a ship that took her to America. She made this walk with her husband and then 5 year old son. I tell this story each year at our Passover Seder when we use one of her dishes to hold the matzah. One year, my brother in law said, "that's not such a long walk". I looked at his whiny 6 year old and said "wanna try it with him?". He got the point.

We all have things we can and cannot do. There comes a point where I believe frail elders are much better cared for in a good facility. No one has the stamina to do this alone without great cost to their physical and mental health.
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Woodstock, for many folks here, incontinence is the deal breaker that allows them to realize that their parent needs professional care. I cannot care for my mom's private areas and do not believe she wants me to. She is well looked after, medically and otherwise, in a nursing home.
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Woodstock, do what my 97 year old Mom does any time my Dad 93 becomes incontinent.... she directs him to the washer and dryer with his clothes and sheets... and if he has an oops on the rug, out comes the spray cleaner, scrub brush and towels for him to clean up his own mishaps. After a few months of doing his own cleaning, he is now buying Depends to wear.

Now I understand that even the best of undergarments don't always work at bed time and that one will need to buy other things to use on the bed which are easier to clean compared to taking off all the sheets.

Curious, Woodstock, what other medical issues does your Mom have? Even grown children at times have their own incontinence issues.
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Woodstock, does sis have POA for your Mom? What she did was abandon her, that is against the law. If you do not want and not able to care for Mom, contact Adult Protective Services for help in placing Mom.
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Would a Hoya lift make things easier for you? Then you should get one. It doesn't matter what sis thinks anymore, does it?

It seems to me that your mom's problem goes beyond incontinence, it's lack of mobility and the fact that you are one senior citizen, doing the job of three shifts of professional caregivers. So start touring nursing homes, get mom on waiting lists for all that seem acceptable and get mom's finances in order, either for private pay or so she qualifies for Medicaid. Let go of the anger at sis, and of the guilt.
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That would be the deal breaker for me! We deal with this on occasion but not often. I will not hesitate with the placement if this becomes a regular issue.
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I'm going home May 10. I'm suffering from Clinical depression.
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The smell is so disgusting .someone compared it to rotting broccoli. Mom wears Tena Overnight pads, they absorb better than others. Also in addition Depends. She takes them all off and puts them in grocery bag and throws them in trash can
On back patio. I bought her a Diaper Genie for diapers and we use that during day.i spray Fabreze in there couple times a day. She was putting on clean clothes without washing.And only took bird baths. That is changing. It's her resistance to everything. A two year old teenager.
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Sue, I think that's a wise move. The council on aging will sort it out. Take care of yourself.
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Sue, wonderful! So many try to hang on much longer than they should, which probably includes me.
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