Mom is incontinent. I am not prepared to deal with all of that. Where would I wash her soiled towels, linens and bedclothes?

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Babies are NOT the same to care for and I hate it when a well intended person flips that off as an answer.

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Sue, wonderful! So many try to hang on much longer than they should, which probably includes me.
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Sue, I think that's a wise move. The council on aging will sort it out. Take care of yourself.
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I'm going home May 10. I'm suffering from Clinical depression.
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There is a pill called Toviaz which helps limit urination. Stock up on Depends. You don't mention your mother's mental state. If her dementia is severe, call DPSS. This is beyond your limits. Good luck.
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Suegirl, mom has dementia and she is not able to show good judgement with food storage. Whether she resents it (bear in mind she resents having to HAVE help, not JUST you personally!) or not, someone has to take over. Stop hitting your head on the wall, figuratively, and do what needs done - let her be crotchety about it - I suspect this will not be the first time Council on Aging staff have listened to crotchety moms who wish there was not need for loving daughters to clean out pantries for them.
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My Mother....I have worked so hard in the 2 months I've been here, Cleaning. She resents me! Telling Councile on Aging I'm very controlling and bossy. Can goods are blowing up in the cabinet. She's had maggots twice. And bed bugs.
This is not my Mother, shes not herself. I'm not myself. I lose my temper. I called her a Crouchity Ole B*tch. I respect my Mother and Love her.and feel terrible afterwards. But this crazy
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Babalou is right, Woodstock you are a senior citizen doing the work of 3 full-time caregivers. When you tour nursing homes, look around at the staff, I bet it will be very hard to find any staff member who is your age.... there is a reason. We burn out very quickly.... otherwise we, ourselves, would need our own caregiver.
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I repeat to my mom, often, remember that you need to be able to get from bed to bathroom and back to stay at home. It is at least a line in the sand and encourages her to keep as mobile as possible. Sure there are accidents - but so far not every day occurrence - however I should have stock in TENA.

Soiled clothes are never washed with other clothes. Hot water and hot dryer...

Talk to primary care and get a home evaluation. Sounds like she might be medically in need of 24/7 care and that is why your sister dumped her on your doorstep.

Be very careful with your help. Who will take care of you if you throw out your back or damage a shoulder? Then where will your mom be?

Please, find some resources to help you. Elder Affairs or Council on aging in your community or state.
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The smell is so disgusting .someone compared it to rotting broccoli. Mom wears Tena Overnight pads, they absorb better than others. Also in addition Depends. She takes them all off and puts them in grocery bag and throws them in trash can
On back patio. I bought her a Diaper Genie for diapers and we use that during day.i spray Fabreze in there couple times a day. She was putting on clean clothes without washing.And only took bird baths. That is changing. It's her resistance to everything. A two year old teenager.
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Woodstock, you mention that you move your mom from the bed to the wheelchair and then to the toilet. One thing that might help, is to get a freestanding bedside toilet and cut out the double lifting.

Also, on you tube, there are videos that demonstrate the proper way to lift and transfer the immobile so as to do yourself as little harm as possible. Check that out.

There are cleansers, for instance in the pet aisle of the store, that work to counteract the smells and bacteria of feces. Unfortunately, no name is coming to my mind right now, but check out that aisle next time you have a chance. Oh, Nature's Miracle is one. Then wash on the hottest water possible. You might even want to wash twice. For soiled clothing, I would use 20 Mule Team Borax, or baking soda or something similar to remove odors.

So far, we are not at that level of care with Mom. I'm not sure what will happen when and if we get there. I am also in my 60's with an achy back and my own health issues. She is still mobile, although she doesn't always make it on time to the bathroom.

Good luck and bless you for caring.
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