Mom is in nursing home. A nurse has been a bully and directly affecting her care for the past year. What can I do?

I am wondering if your visits are limited by Covid? Are you seeing your Mom? Is your Mom the reporter on her care, or may I ask where your information is coming from? The claim that abandonment of a patient by one person, then by all staff is truly terribly serious. Have you a diary about complaints, when, where and what? Have you had the ombudsman in? What does the administrator tell you? I agree with the advice to take this to the Board of Nursing but you are going to have to give a list of specific evidence as to what was neglected, when, for how long, by whom.
I can't figure how you can get the evidence you need. How helpless you must feel. I am so sorry. I hope you will update us.

You can move your mom to a different facility. You don't have to take her into your home where your entire household will be disrupted and rearranged, and where she likely won't be happy ANYWAY with all the noise and commotion.

Research other SNFs in your area and go take a tour of a few. Find one that feels right to YOU and remove your mother from an untenable situation asap.

Good luck!

Report this nurse to the Director of Nursing. If that does’t work, report to the nursing home administrator. If it is a corporate owned report to that office. If all fails move her to another facility or to your home.

Be sure to document all incidents.

What a shame that that is allowed to go on in any facility these days. I would most certainly be looking for another nursing home to put your mom in, as she deserves much better treatment than what she is receiving now.

And no I wouldn't bring her into your home, unless you are 150% sure you and your family can handle it, and you have some kind of outside help lined up to assist you with her. It sounds like your house is already quite chaotic, and adding an elderly person who needs 24/7 care would just add to the chaos. It's very sweet that you are thinking about that, but realistically I just don't think it would be best for anyone. Best wishes for the future for your mom.

If it were me I might try to have a face to face with the bully and let her know that she and her bully and isolating tactics are on your radar and you will be taking appropriate action. In fact, get the words legal action, neglect, nursing license and elder abuse in there somewhere.

Find out if you can install cameras in your mothers room and tell them you will now be documenting any and all abuse and reporting it.

All that being said, how do you know 75% of the staff don't like your mom because of this bully? Is your mom telling you or are you observing some of this?

Is this a small family run facility or a bigger one? Is there a director and is it licensed under the state?

Squeaky wheel often gets the grease but I'm not clear on what type of facility your mom is in- size, etc.

Report it to the highest possible authority in the NH. If it's a chain go above the individual adminstrator for the specific location she is in. Be very specific with examples of abuse. If no improvement take it to goverment/ombudsman. Worst (best?) case scenario, find a new NH.

Do not bring her into your home under any circumstances. Your plate is full now.

Report the bully to the Board of Nursing. Speak to the director and let he/she know you will proceed further if things do not change and if she is bullying your mother you bet she is doing that to other residents. I had a situation where an RN was very rude to me over the phone many times and I finally said I was going to report her to the Board of Nursing for poor ethical conduct. I got a call within minutes from the director of the office and from the rude person herself, I did not report her but if things did not change you bet I would. I told the director I insist on getting someone else to handle my calls I refuse to speak to her. Apparently the director was aware of her bullying and rudeness to others as well. She said there is no excuse for her poor behavior. The director handled the situation in a professional and timely manner. It is stressful enough without staff make it more stressful. I would absolutely never put up with someone being a bully to my mother. You mentioned taking your mother home with you, in this circumstance it might be the best choice for now and then you can make a change in the near future if you want to place her in another facility or you might want to keep her with you and the family. Things can work with some simple changes.

I am so sorry to hear this. Can you find another nursing home for your mom?

Call your local Aging Partners office and ask for contact information for the state Ombudsman for care facilities. They act as an advocate for patients in care facilities. Tell him or her about your mother's experience with this person and your meetings about the situation. They should visit your mother to assess the situation and report back to you. I think they are obligated to follow up on any reports.

Your Mom will be safer and likely get better care at home, but you are in prime time motherhood and the impact on you and your family, especially with Covid will stretch your strength and endurance to capacity. If Mom moves in and likes silence, there are really soft and comfy headsets that block outside sound, and she can use to watch tv or listen to podcasts. However, you the Mom, gets over-extended, seems to be the fate of the "sandwich generation". Your kids are at a really good age, and you can have a heart to heart talk with them to see if you can rally your family at this time of challenge to help grandma... Maybe everyone getting assigned a little job or a shift. And, it's so important not to have worry for Mom, distract from the emotional & physical needs of your family. It's all difficult caring for a relative in need, made worse w/ Covid, and an opportunity to rally and unite your family.