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Granted she’s not a child in daycare, but she kinda is... I hear nothing unless directly from mom (which I sometimes wonder if true), see with my own eyes, or get so upset we have to call a meeting.


I feel a lot of the residents are placed here and forgotten by family.


Shouldn’t I expect more?

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My experience is that you will not hear from the facility unless there is a problem and problems are perceived differently by staff than by family

if mom is not a behavior problem and health and weight are holding steady, then there is no problem and you'd likely never get a call
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Reply to MsMadge
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No, you shouldn’t expect more. To know what’s going on go to facility and see.
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Reply to OhMyMe2
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I'm not quite sure what you're expecting?

If you want to keep an eye on what she's up to and how she's doing, the facility should welcome your interest and answer any questions you have. I know that in some facilities each resident has a contact journal for use by staff and visitors, too; though I have to admit that in our case I seemed to be the only person who ever read it, let alone wrote anything in it - e.g. "is there anybody there...?!"

I think to expect them to update you as a matter of routine is probably asking rather a lot, though. As you sadly note, many of the residents won't have anyone who's interested in hearing; and of course in even a good facility the staff have enough to do looking after their charges.

How do the staff respond when you get in touch? I wouldn't wait 'til something's worrying you a lot. Maybe work on developing a kind of schedule, so that you ring for an update once a week or so. And make a point of passing on compliments as well as concerns.
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Reply to Countrymouse
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The staff does not have the time to keep you updated. These places are limited in staff. If Mom is new to the AL I can see the concern but you can ask when u visit. There maybe notes from the different shifts if a person had a bad night, wouldn't bathe, etc. You will have a care meeting every 3 months. You would be surprised the paperwork an RN has to do for the state on a monthly basis. At Moms AL, when not caring for the residents, the aides were expected to help in the dining room setting up and cleaning up. They will call u if they fall.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I would base what's going on by how mom is doing.

Nurses and aids are not activity directors and the odds of them knowing any information is slim. Unless the facility has aides double as active assistants, which means they have less time to call family and report.

If you are visiting frequently then watch from a distance to see how she is doing in activities. I hid to watch my dad so I knew how he was taking to it all.

From my experience if you want to know, you need to be present, no one can be expected to care for the residents and report to family. It is asking to much. Imagine if they had to add that to their already over full day, even if it was just a 5 minute call, it would take a half hour to get all the information from everyone involved in moms care. When would they have time to actually take care of people.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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They may not realize that you expect feedback. But, they may be placing more of an emphasis on providing resident care. Some places have regular status meetings. I have requested that before, when health was an issue, but, normally, I just call every couple of weeks and ask how things are going, how's her health, her sleeping, eating, mobility, etc., in addition to my visits. There is a calendar on the wall, so, I know when the activities are and can join them, if my schedule allows.
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Reply to Sunnygirl1
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My mom has been in a memory care for 4 years. They have a website, for family members to log in to. I can see which activities that mom has participated in & see pictures. They also list which activities she has declined. If I have a specific question, I can send messages to the nursing staff or the caregivers, and they will respond. If you are wondering about anything specific, I would just ask. I do sometimes get different responses from different shifts, but nothing too concerning.
As others have said, the staff is so busy and turnover is usually high. Your actual visit will tell you more, especially about her mental & behavioral status. I also do a physical check off and on. Check toes for any sign of fungus, nail care; check her bottom for proper peri-care, etc.
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Reply to Canyon727
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I struggled with this too, even though I was there every day I still had no clue what was going on beyond what I saw with my own eyes. Although I was always told to just ask if I had questions or concerns often as not when I did ask I was told that the person didn't know because they weren't working that shift or hadn't been in charge of my mother that day, and realistically you can't go trotting to the RN in charge every day for a report. There should be an activities calendar so you can check to see what is going on and usually menus are posted as well, whether she is actually eating her meals or joining the activities is harder to know.
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Reply to cwillie
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In my experience working in senior living, in activity department, I enjoyed when families inquired about their loved one and what activities they participated in. In some of the places I have worked, many residents don't have family (which is very sad), so we sometimes forgot to inform the families of other residents. My recommendation is to seek out the Activity Director and ask for weekly or bi-weekly updates. Sometimes it is just as simple as asking for the information, but I do agree with the information above, that the facilities are understaffed and staff is overworked. And some of the regulations are not what should be focused on. Hopes this helps.
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Reply to jliekhus
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My mom is in a memory care unit and they schedule a care plan with me every few months to let me know hwo she is doing and see if I have any concerns. The staff is available for questions any time I ask and call me anything there are any concerns. Do you visit your mother? I visit once a week and the staff recognizes me and know who I am coming to see. You may want to check with the head nurse on the floor to sdee if they do care plans. I am able to do them via phone if Ican not go in.
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Reply to sbabb1216
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