Well my mom was diagnosed with Parkinson's about 6 years ago, did not tell any of us. Then she started walking slowly, arm shaking, really angry at me that I wanted her to see a doctor. Then she fell backwards on a curb and was furious that we wanted to call 911, so we didn't. Then she fell in a grocery store parking lot, backwards and they gave her a walker. She refused to use it, it decorated the back of her suv. Would have me drive her everywhere saying it was her glasses that were bad, and I fell for that. And one day after going somewhere, I was unloading the car and told her I would bring things in, and she goes and gets the takeout cups to toss and I tell her I will do that, she just refuses to take suggestions, and she fell, in the driveway backwards, I couldn't get there in time to catch her but I am sure I would have fallen also. So she broke her femur, and in the hospital they saw that two years prior she was told she had Parkinson's, so they pulled her license to drive. And she hasn't been home since. She then was tested and she also has vascular dementia and is in such denial. My sibling thinks it isn't true, he sees her maybe 3 days a year.
Up until recently she was in a home in another town, doing her own meds since no one said she couldn't make her own decisions. And she ended up in the hospital since that went wildly bad, and then transferred to skilled nursing. Skilled nursing has now deemed her not able to make decisions, so I am in charge now with the POA.
It has gone not well, she is really furious with me since I won't let her go where she was living before. She spews anger at me, then is nice. She is weak, her voice is getting worse, she is seeing things that are not happening I hear. I can't go in they are in lockdown.
My brother won't help. He said he will "listen" about it, says it is her personality, she is "deciding not to remember"
I don't think a person with Parkinson's and vascular dementia decide not to remember.
Yesterday around 2pm she couldn't remember what she even had for lunch.
I don't know what level she is at or how much time she may have. I just know, I am the one who should be blamed, it is me, the rotten one who is listening to the "quack" doctors "I found".
It is like, 5 doctors or more who have decided the diagnosis, not me.
I am the only one having anything to do with this, if I don't want to do the POA it goes to my sibling who since he thinks nothing is wrong, she would be wandering the streets maybe, since he also doesn't want her near his town, and thinks it is her personality and since she has usually been passive agressive, he is done before he has even gotten involved.
It is me, I am the only one taking care of this and trying to remember I too have a life, but I am really stressed out.
So if it gets too stressful, since I already had to go to the ER from the stress, who would take over then? Hopefully not my sibling.
I too have a mom with Parkinson’s disease. It’s an awful progressive disease with no cure.
Falls are terrifying and dangerous. My mom had numerous falls.
Falling backwards with Parkinson’s is very common.
My mom has done home health with OT and PT. She has also done rehab in a nursing home.
I have also had issues with my brothers. I can empathize. I couldn’t rely on my brothers for help.
My mom could not deny her Parkinson’s disease because years ago she was in the hospital for seizures and when her doctor entered her room she told me to take my mom to a neurologist because she had all of the symptoms of Parkinson’s disease.
I took her to the neurologist and she was diagnosed with PD.
That was many years ago. My mom did not fight me at all about not driving, which was a relief!
Some Parkinson’s patients do have dementia which makes it even more challenging.
My mom has recently been diagnosed with slight dementia but did not suffer with dementia at all before.
I had mom in my house for 15 years. Plus, I took care of her for five years before she moved in with me.
Guess what happened? Same as you! Stress overload!!!
Well, I couldn’t deal with it anymore.
I had a huge argument with my brothers and ended up telling my older brother that since he felt that I was doing everything wrong, because mom stirred things up, pinning us against each other, that he could take over her care!
Well, then he saw the real picture after walking in my shoes and doing the care for mom.
I kept in touch with mom mostly over the phone. We returned to a strained but civil relationship.
My brothers were awful to me but we are now civil with each other and I am glad, because we are able to better care for our mother who is 95 years old and in a hospice house with end stage Parkinson’s disease.
I won’t judge you on how you handle your situation with your brother. I cut mine off when I needed to catch my breath. I understand how hard it is dealing with your mom too.
I don’t think either of you should be caring for your mom.
She is too far gone for home care. Please place her in a facility.
Ask her doctor or hospital for the name and number of a social worker to help you plan your mom’s future.
DO NOT be concerned about her reaction to the decision to place her. This is what is best for all of you.
You are welcome to private message me anytime. I lived it too, but you have the bigger challenge with the added dementia.
I can tell you that hospice now has my mom on Seroquel and Ativan and it has made all the difference in the world!
Best wishes to you and your family.
Take care.
If she has a phone and all she does is bother you, calls no one else, ask the DON to "lose" it and return it to you. You don't have to listen to her tirades. You don't have to answer every call. When u call her and she starts, tell her you need to go and hang up. Block her. Put ur phone on Do Not Disturb. Your Mom has no idea what she is saying. Just think if you had to deal with this daily in your home or hers!
She is where she is because she chose to not recognize she was ill. There are meds that would have helped her with her symptoms. Dementia goes hand and hand with Parkinsons. And falling backward is common and regular walkers don't help with this. There are special ones for those who suffer from Parkinsons.
My brother once told me that I was my own worst enemy. Think about that. Do you try too much to please her. Do things you really don't need to or want to. Mom will never be aware or appreciate the things you do for her. She has lost the ability to feel empathy. Also the ability to reason. She is like a small child wanting it her way. So why try to please her.
I would not give up ur POA. Its a great tool. Drs and nurses can talk to you. You can handle her finances. If being in contact with Mom is what is stressing you out, then stop contact for a while. Tell the DON ur taking a break. Her days go one into the other. You could talk to her one minute and she'll forget 5 min later. You could visit everyday and she will tell people she hasn't seen you in weeks. And you will probably always be the bad guy. You just have to accept because...ur Mom's brain is dying. Its NOT you its the DESEASE!