During the course of my cancer treatments, I wasn't taking care of my accounts due my treatments plus lack of work due to Covid. Monies that should have gone to the facility was automatically taken from the bank to pay bills. I had auto pay on. I want to make good on payments but I cannot pay the substantial amount they want. They are starting discharged papers. I will still pay them but smaller increments. I want to bring her home anyway b/c she is extremely depressed there (as she doesn't speak good English) and tells me all the time that if she has to stay there, she would rather die :( I'd rather give her 5 happy years than 10 miserable ones. However I will need help with her due to my illness too. What can I do?

Find Care & Housing
If you and Mom are using the same account you need to separate your money from hers. I would suggest you open an acct in ur name only. If Moms name is on the other acct and urs too leave it that way. If Mom is on Medicaid, I am surprised u didn't have problems with monies being comingled.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to JoAnn29

A couple things here, first are you using your own money to pay for this facility or is Moms money coming through your account and you were paying the bill with her money? Depending on her medical issues and needs they may not be able to “force” you to take her home, they need to do a safe discharge and that may mean handing the responsibility for her care over to someone capable of it and it doesn’t sound like that’s you at the moment. You have your own medical issues that prevent you from being able to provide her care and take on the physical responsibility for her care and I would strongly advise you to stick to that and don’t accept that responsibility. That doesn’t mean you are walking away from making arrangements for her safe care and if indeed she isn’t clinically well enough to be turned out on the street so they have to make arrangements before discharge and you are making every attempt to square up the bill they should work with you.

As far as Mom being depressed, I think this is a very common problem amongst patients in a residential situation during COVID especially. But the truth is for many elders complaints about where they are living, wanting to “go home” are common no matter where they are living so bringing her home to your house may not solve this and 5 good years over 10 miserable ones might mean professional residential care as much as it could your home. Again not knowing moms problems or cognitive state watching your health suffer in order to care for her may cause her as much or more pain as staying where she is, just a thought. It also may be harder than usual at the moment due to COVID to set up help at home and you need to consider exposure for yourself in a weakened state as well as Mom as you think about having people coming and going, I haven’t looked to see where you are. If you do decide to do this though have it all set up so from hour 1 you have all the help you need before bringing her home. Good luck, I can only imagine the spot you are in and the stress it is adding to your plate, please take care of yourself my thoughts are with you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Lymie61

I am very confused. Are you saying you used your Mom's money to pay your bills? Because Mom's money should only be going to Mom's bills, first and foremost being the facility in which she lives. Can you clarify? If you are comingling money this is a really bad thing ongoing should mom ever need to apply for medicaid. I know nothing of your diagnosis and prognosis, but I took chemo myself, and cannot imagine 24/7 care during that battle that went on for me a year.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to AlvaDeer

You really need to lessen your own stress so that you can heal and overcome your cancer. Easier said than done, I know. I totally understand the complexity of her not speaking English well (my own grandma didn't speak it at all), and the debacle with the bill payments. If you have the time and energy you can search for a lawyer who may be willing to advise you pro bono (as a free charity to you) so that you can know what your actual options are. You can start by contacting your local area's Agency on Aging for resources, they may be able to point you in a direction. If there is a local church that has a large congregation of people from your mom's home country maybe you can contact them to see if anyone would be willing to give you a break once a week. You don't need to be a member. My church helps non-attenders all the time. It may be more realistic to see if she's eligible for Medicaid. If she never worked in the U.S. she may not be. You should also contact social services for your county to get assessed for in-home services for yourself (and your mom if you bring her home). If you have any family, friends or neighbors who are trustworthy please let them know your needs and ask them to help you at least once a month. Please don't hesitate to ask...I've been heartbroken to find out that someone I knew secretly needed help but didn't ask for it -- I would have loved to help them! I wish you much success in working through this!
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Geaton777
JoAnn29 Aug 28, 2020
Medicaid has nothing to do with if you have worked here. Her Mom maybe able to get Medicaid if she has lived here over 5 yrs. She cannot get Medicare or SS because you have to pay for this with payroll deductions.
See 1 more reply
keep on hanging on...I m blind basically.. keepon reading on... Pay what you can finanically or trust....... Pray....pray and trust...

just ask god for a liltle help.... He will.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to MAYDAY

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter