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Dad died on 1/2/20. And it was hard for us all. I was in the room with him and I heard his b last breath but it didn’t register with me and mom and I both missed holding his hand and helping him cross over. Mom's dr supposedly doubled her dose of Prozac and she’s persuaded him to take her off of it now. Against my advice. ( I’m 56 and Prozac has made it possible for us to have a real relationship for the first time in my life)
Here is my concern. Mom keeps hearing dad call to her. I know it’s the grieving and we do talk about it but now she is claiming to hear me call out to her. Yes I know what you're going to say- she is petrified of being alone. And you're right. She told me that when she heard me call out the door to her bedroom flew open like never before. It frightened her. I want her back on some type of antidepressant but she refuses and reminds me that I’m not a doctor.
Mom lives in a age restricted community and I’m a single parent of a 16 year old, so living with her is not an option. I don’t know how to help her and I promised dad she would b ok. But she’s not ok she is just pretending. With this Corona I’m afraid she is going to fade fast. Any advice?

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When you promised your dad your mom would 'be okay', you told him you'd do your best to see that she was cared for. That doesn't mean you can jump through some fiery hoops to see that her mental state remains intact when she's refusing to take anti-depressants! Just keep things in perspective, please. When my dad died 5 years ago, he too asked me to promise to 'take care of mom' and she's been taken care of in Assisted Living and now Memory Care the entire time. She's also fallen 45x over that time period. I have no way to ensure that she's 'okay' as she will eventually die............so all I can do is my best, same as you.

Call your mother's doctor (if you can) and have a conversation with him about what she's going through. The grief process different for everyone. Who knows what's going on, if she's depressed, grieving, hallucinating, or actually hearing your dad speak to her? Who's to say. My mother, for the first few years after dad passed, insisted he slept in bed with her b/c she felt him with her. Who am I to say that wasn't the case? After 68 years of marriage, I'm sure he's still with her, personally. Your mother may be lonely........she may also be withdrawing from Prozac if she wasn't properly weaned off.............so there are lots of factors to consider. If she's living in a senior community, then she does have social interaction and entertainment available, so that's a good thing.

I would never recommend moving in together..........rarely a good idea from what we read here! Maybe you can get her involved in a grief support group in the area? Or maybe her doctor has some suggestions you can use. In any event, best of luck and I'm so sorry for your loss
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Im sk sorry for the loss of your dad!

You should report mom's change in mental status to her doctor. You are in no position to tell your mom what meds to take; even if you WERE a doctor, you wouldn't be prescribing. Describe to the doctor what you see in a brief note or email and let her/him be in contact with your mother.

Has she been tested for a UTI?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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