Mom is going into Assisted Living and I have a question. When can I start to get rid of "excess" items?

cwillie had the exact same thoughts that I did. First, that it's not your home. If you've been asked to get in there and start cleaning things up would be one thing but you didn't mention that you had been asked so your idea to get a jump on things seems a bit premature and intrusive.

And second, that home may have to be used to contribute to the care of your mom and stepfather. It's a big, fat asset they're sitting on that may be needed in the future. Most elderly people can't afford long term care without the liquidation of the family home.

It's not your home, it is step dad's. How would you feel if your kids came into your home to remodel and clean out your "junk"? IMO you should keep your hands off unless invited to help.

And I wouldn't count on that inheritance either, aging gets more expensive every year and chances are high that every last asset your mom and step dad have will need to be used for their care.

How do your Mom and stepdad feel about you starting to clean up the house? As a helpful gesture for his wellbeing in getting around in a cluttered house? To sell items to help pay for her care? Or to save yourself some time...later on? Not sure what your motive is, but not sure what the rush is either, unless the house is unsafe. I know sometimes we just have this burst of energy and want to “get stuff done” to feel we’ve accomplished something. You’ve just gotten your Mom placed, a load is off your mind probably and now you want to keep the momentum going? But cleaning out a packed house is time consuming work. I know. Simple projects you think will take an hour morph into days long endeavors where one thing leads to another. Perhaps your mom would rather that time be spent with her helping her adjust to her new living arrangement? Just some thoughts.

Think about it a minute. Stepdad isn’t going to tell mom that you asked? Or you were going to just show up and start going through his home without his permission?
Hoarding has nothing to do with an actual need of the item hoarded.
You can cause both of them a great deal of anxiety by broaching this subject.
I do feel for you on having to deal with it later when you are older yourself and less able to do the labor it will require but regardless of that it sounds like a bad idea.

I’m sure that you’ve been chafing at the bit to get into Mom’s stash especially if you aren’t a hoarder. But, is it possible that this “trusted person” who spilled the beans about Mom’s will (which she surely wanted kept private for her own good reasons) will go to Mom and “confide” to her that you’re blitzing her house?

I would only power clean if the home is dangerous for your stepdad. I’ve seen enough of those hoarder shows to know that these homes can be pretty bad. Roaches, rodents, and clutter don’t make for a safe house.

To be safe, if you are not the POA and /or the executor of her will, I would get permission (in writing) before I did anything only because Stepdad is still living in the house. Did this trusted friend tell you if anything in the house of Mom’s has been left to Stepdad in writing or in the will? You could have big problems if you did anything with what was designated for him. Have you seen the will? Do you know exactly what’s in it?

Take a step back. I really do understand where you’re coming from. But in this case, make sure you follow procedures, get permission and be very careful in your cleaning.

A living will has nothing to do with inheritance. This document is for the purpose of loved ones knowing what the wishes for care are in case of medical issues. Does she want extreme measures to keep her alive, etc.

Are you living in the home. The hoarding is stepdad's to deal with. If he does not want you to remove anything, don't.

Willen, emphasizing Glad's advice, the Living Will has nothing to do with bequests; it's another name for a power of attorney type arrangement whereby medical decisions can be made on behalf of someone else, under certain conditions.

Who is the trusted person? A Trustee or Successor Trustee of a Trust? The Personal Rep (Executrix/Executor) of a Last Will and Testament? And, more specifically, how does this person know what you may or may not inherit? If this person hasn't read any Last Will and Testament, assuming one has been prepared, then he/she is speaking with verifiable knowledge of what anyone would inherit.

In the prenuptial agreement it was probably assumed that stepdad would live there as long as your mother is still alive, as long as they are still married, if there is no language in there suggesting otherwise. I couldn't see someone wanting their spouse to have to move out if he/she got ill and had to move to a facility. She probably depends on him too to help take care of the house. It may not seem fair, but if that was the agreement, it should be respected.

Inheritance will depend on what is actually written in the will/how it is written, the language in the prenuptial agreement, as well as your state's laws on marital property. An attorney could help answer these questions when the time comes.

However, I agree with others here that much if not all of it will probably have to go to pay for care, unless your mother is extremely wealthy or has a long term care insurance policy. Long term care is outrageously expensive.

As far as mom's excess stuff, you could always talk to mom and stepdad and see if it would be okay to clean out some of mom's extra stuff.

Willienme1950, it's good to be thinking ahead, but, legalities aside and as others have said, it's also wise to not rush into doing things that might be disruptive and cause stress to your step-dad as well as to your mom when he tells her what you're doing. When my wife was guardian of her aunt whom she moved to assisted living, we kept a close eye on her home in Rupert and while it was tempting to start decluttering, my wife only allowed me to make repairs and do yard work -- she was very aware that the house and its belongings did not belong to heirs as long as her aunt was alive.

It sounds like your mom tried hard to plan her estate, but that there might be a hole in her plan, e.g. what happens to her home if she needs to permanently move into a care facility, but then again, what is happening might be exactly what she had planned, i.e. if she moved to a care facility, then her husband could stay in her home rent free, rather than move to a veterans home in Pocatello or Boise, and he would thus be close enough to her that he could visit her frequently. If so, that seems like a pretty good plan.

So, unless there's a serious safety problem caused by the "clutter" (remember one person's trash is another's treasure), your energies right now are probably better spent on helping your mom and step-dad adjust to their new living arrangements, monitoring and assisting with your mom's care, and enjoying her company while she is still at least somewhat cognizant. I think it's best to try forgetting about the clutter issue until you have to deal with it and can legally do so.

Willienme1950, since your Mom and your Step-Dad are both hoarders, then your Step-Dad would not like it if you came in to clean up.... unless Step-Dad really didn't like the hoarding and just did it to appease your Mom. Tread carefully, you can first ask if he wouldn't mind if you tossed out used paper plates and empty cans. If he says "no", then you know not to touch anything.

For some elders, having a ton of stuff around them makes it feel like a safe cocoon. And disrupting that cocoon would have major impact.