Mom is crying because visiting grandkids have not called yet. How do I calm her?

Next time dont tell her grandkids are coming into town. This will avoid her having melt downs if they don't call her right away. I still don't know why you or she doesn't call them. My parents play these games and honestly it gets old really fast.

It's impossible to "win" this. Either you call them and get them right off the plane etc. or they step right off the plane call you etc and then set your mom up for the next step..... Did they get to _____ place safe and unharmed and why haven't they called me from _____place to say they are safe. If your or your mother has a cell phone why not come up a phrase that means They have arrived, they are safe and they are okay. When landlines were all we had I used to have to check in with my grandmother by calling her person to person collect from "Fred" and asking for "Ethel" . All she had to say was "Ethel was not there" she was not charged for the call and it most of she didn't have to pay for the call. Could your grand kids sent you/her a text? "Ethel is safe" could be code for "we arrived safe all is well"

What I would do is text the great grandkids and ask them point blank when you can arrange for a call with Great Grandma, who has been asking about them and, as they know, it would mean a lot to her to hear from them. I would tell mom that I was working on it and they are planning to call her "as soon as they have a good phone connection" (giving them a bit of grace and Mom a bit of consolation).

I always firmly nudged my kids to visit and talk on the phone with my mom, and now, even though my mom has forgotten a lot of people in her life due to dementia, she still remembers my kids and loves to see them and still feels connected to them. Her other grandkids stopped visiting her YEARS ago despite having had a close relationship, and now she doesn't recognize them at all. In fact, she saw them for a rare visit over the holidays and was terrified of them. It was so sad for everyone. So in my opinion neglecting a grandparent that you love is far brattier than being sad that your grandkids are ignoring you.

Lots of reasons why they don't put Gma first.

One may be that they simply have too many people to visit! And it's also likely that they don't have a great relationship with her. My mom only wants to see certain people, and sometimes they come to town and we have to keep it on the downlow b/c they don't have time to sit in her overheated, hoarded out apartment with nothing for the kids to do but stand around. She has aged poorly and is actually a little scary for the great grands to see. My GD saw her once and burst into tears of abject fear, as mom looks a little like a witch (sorry, mom). Also, her place smells atrocious and kids will comment on that.

You can encourage or even facilitate a call or visit, but it really should be up to them.

My mom sits like a queen in her apt. and waits for people to show up. If she would call THEM and invite them over for a 1/2 hr visit, it would probably happen. Or not.

Communication is a 2 way street.

You get them to call her.

Why doesn't she just call them?

So they are your grandkids and her greatgrands? And they are visiting your grand daughter-in-laws family i.e. a grandson's wife's family? Sounds like they are just closer with that side of the family, or they have more in common with them, or they live somewhere that they'd rather be. I'd text them and wish them a nice vacation but put no pressure on them for a visit. Text them that your mom sends them her best and would love to hear from them before they leave.

Just wondering, since when do we call a crying 90 year old with hurt feelings over not getting a phone call from visiting family a 'brat' throwing a tantrum?? I raised 2 children and all of their tears were not 'tantrums' or them being 'brats'. Sometimes their tears were genuinely tears of fear or sadness or justified hurt of some kind that did not automatically warrant a time out or me ignoring them. Unless the OPs mother has a long history of throwing tantrums or acting like a demanding 'brat', I would not ignore her but instead try to fix the situation and get past it. A bit of compassion goes a lot further than anything, especially in this case, I think. You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

I agree Mom is acting like a demanding brat. Don't call let them call her when they want. Ignore Mom's tears.

I see this crying the same as I do a tantrum. It’s just more brat behavior. And how do we stop kids from being brats? We tell them that they’re not the center of anyone’s universe.

With the great grands on military leave, a realistic expectation would be maybe squeezing in a group call.

Send a quick text to the GGK's asking for an update on how they are doing and if they will be able to put in time visiting with GGma. Then show/read any response text to GGma.

At 90 years old, emotions tend to run away with your mom and rational thought escapes her. She's 'expecting' immediate phone calls when such a thing does not make sense. What does make sense is for YOU to call THEM and put mom on the phone. Get the whole situation in hand by taking it into your own hands to fix, thereby calming mom down in the process.

If crying is something mom is prone to do, you may want to get her an appt with her PCP for calming meds to have on hand. A low dose Rx for Xanax is never a bad thing to have available. Also, speak to the PCP about possible depression she may be dealing with. I know that both my parents were facing depression at that age for various reasons, health conditions they had no control over, mainly. Wellbutrin worked well for mom, and Zoloft did wonders for dad.

Best of luck.

If IL living means she us capable of living on her own tgen she is capable of understanding the dynamics of flying. Its 3:30 EST so 12:30 your time. They flew in on Friday what time? This is only Sunday. As said, they are exhausted. And greats...not so close to great-grandma. At 90 though, I can see why she is upset but she really needs to give them time.

We always say the phone works both ways. I get that you might not want to bother someone who is busy but sometimes that can come across as being disinterested, instead of waiting for a call how about you or she calling them and asking when would be a good time you can all get together?

Is this unusual for her to be so upset? If so, I would have her checked for a UTI.

Does she take any meds for anxiety?

Can you ring up the kids and ask them to call for a brief chat?

Tell her you are certain they are utterly EXHAUSTED after such a flight. Tell her how many hours it is and tell her about jet lag. Tell her they have many family members and friends.
Is this a matter of dementia? Because I find myself that our kids and our grandkids and our great grandkids get their own lives, go their own way. Just a fact of life.
Tell her you are sorry she is sad.
There is little else you can do.