Mom is being pressured to do a reverse mortgage. How can I stop this agent?

Your profile says Mom has a Dementia. Even in the early stages she should not be making these types of decisions. Do you have POA? If so, you can take over Moms finances if her doctor makes a statement she is no longer competent to make her own decisions.

Even if u don't have POA, I would call the agent explaining you are her daughter and to please stop calling your mother. Tell the agent since Mom suffers from Dementia she is not competent to make financial decisions. If she chooses to continue to call Mom, you will file a complaint. Be nice but firm.

Kat Kat, given what the RM agent is telling your Mom, so misleading, and given your Mom's understanding of it, it is time now to write the company this "person" is involved with and putting them on notice that your Mother is being "befriended" by a woman PUSHING Reverse Mortage to her, and if this continues you will consider this to be elder abuse and you will be requesting an investigation into the company's practices be opened. Then send a letter to the woman. Tell her that if her friendship again descends down the rabbit hole of advising your Mom financially to open a RM, you will file a suit for elder abuse against her and her company. Tell her that her friendship needs to have ZERO advice or mention of financial matter; that those matters are not under the definition of "friendship". Keep a diary of everything that happens. You say you are moving with Mom and will be her POA. It would be a very good thing if you can take this over, keep meticulous records of income and output, and be the lioness at the gate for those attempting to take advantage of your Mom. It is sounding as though your Mom is knowing that handling these financial things now is not going well. I hope she will turn things over to you so that you can protect her. A RM in future may be a good thing to help her remain in her home if that is her wish. Time will tell. Keep your own finances separate from Mom's going forward.

If your Mom is accepting of this "friendship" then it is not illegal for the agent to visit, and likely has a whole circuit she/he covers. If your Mom doesn't NEED a reverse mortgage it would be exceptionally foolish to get one. These high interest "loans" on the house comes with all sort of bad things, including the home and pay off the loan were she to have to enter the home. Try to "use" this in your warnings such as "Gee, Mom, if you ever DID do this, when you left your home, you could not return; it would have to be sold to pay off this high interest loan. You wouldn't have the option of returning".
What you need to do for yourself is educate yourself with the facts.
At the end of that, if your Mom choose to do this it is on her. Not you.
Do arm yourself and her with facts and comments from forums.
My partner's Mom DID a reverse mortgage and it worked very well for her. No family lived near her. She had a paid for home in a "precious" desert community. She did the reverse mortgage so that the monthly check from it, combined with other income and Social security gave her enough to pay caregivers so she could stay in her home until her death. So it was a godsend to her. Her asset going to her care.
But these loans are tricky and some are VERY VERY tricky. My advice to your Mom is to be VERY CAREFUL. The friendship of this woman or man should NOT include trying to sell a product he or she makes money off of. With friends like THAT no one needs an enemy.

Please check if the RM agent in question has any letters after her name. If she does, it is likely that she belongs to a Professional Organization and as such will be bound by their rules of conduct and behaviour. You can make a report to the organization about your concerns and they will investigate it.

It is one thing to be friendly, it is another to apply high pressure sales tactics on vulnerable people.

Kat, some sellers, including of financial products, use different tactics to "soften up" their targets.  Sorry for the blunt language but (a)  that's a term I've heard to describe aggressive and sneaky salespeople, and (b) this is what I see, especially with someone pushing a reverse mortgage to an elderly person. 

First, try to find a substitute for the "friendship", which I suspect will gradually fade and eventually end if your mother were to take out a reverse mortgage.

Secondly, think about how to find other social opportunities, difficult under the circumstances, but worth a try.    If your mother's area has a senior center which is open and requires masking, that's definitely a good possibility.    Since you'll be moving in with Mom, plan your day to include relaxing chats to counteract her loneliness, and if Mom is able to walk, plan local walks in the neighborhood, masked so that you can interact with neighbors.  

Third, I detected a sense of explanation in your thread, as to why an RM isn't needed.   You, nor does anyone else, need to explain to any salesperson why a purchase isn't desirable.   They have no rights to that kind of courtesy.

Fourth, given the pressure some sales agents create, I would be very forthright and blunt, but not explanatory.   A simple advice that your mother doesn't need an RM should suffice.   If it doesn't, you can raise the issue of having to report the agent to the company hawking RMs.  

Fifth, I would spend some time at this site, to acquaint yourself with the Federal government's role in RMs, and if necessary tell the agent that you may have to report her and the company she represents if she continues to raise the issue (i.e., "pressure your mother") of an RM.   You could also mention filing a complaint with the BBB.

https://reverse.mortgage/government-role

If you consider either of these after other options don't work, spend time with Mom when the agent is there and discreetly document the number of times she raises getting an RM.   Or just pretend to be taking notes and document.

If that doesn't work, be aware that (if I understand correctly) counseling from a HUD approved agency is required before executing RM documents.    Go with Mom to that meeting and express your own thoughts so the agent becomes aware of the subtle pressure exerted by the saleswoman.

Sixth, or you can tell her Mom just inherited funds from a relative and has no need of an RM. This salesperson does NOT require nor is she entitled to explanations on your mother's financial decisions.

Remember this always: these are personal financial issues and NO salesperson is entitled to justifications why someone isn't interested.

Please have a discussion with this agent. Explain that your mom is not totally mentally competent. Explain that you would prefer her to go through you and not your mother. Explain that if she does not stop calling your mother, you will place a restraining order on her and report her to the BBB.

If this RM harrassment continues, please report it to the BBB. With dementia and Alzheimer's, your mother is incomptent. Also, insure no scam activity is happening.

KitKat, oh my FG! “She sees Tom Selleck on TV and thinks she’s going to meet him” (if she gets a RM).

Please please reread everyone’s posts, make notes as to suggestions and find a elder law atty to update your moms legal and try to get her bank accounts as POD/ TOD to you ASAP.

Listen we get it, all of us have in some way had to deal with a parent who isn’t competent and cognitive. As Alva posted, it sounds like she’s on the cusp of competency. You have to get stuff done while she’s still somewhat able to appear competent and cognitive. If that means she goes to the beauty shoppe on Tuesday and then to attys office on Wednesday between 9-11 as she’s still perky then & looking good, it’s what you gotta do. She need to be able to show some competency.

If she’s been target by grifters once, it’s likely to happen again.

My mom had Lewy Body Dementia and could carry on a reasonable conversation for the 3-10 minutes most folks stop to chat in. She was still good on the ADLs & knew how to coordinate her wardrobe and did weekly beauty shoppe. She had decades of being very social to kick in to autopilot. But if you really talked with her beyond a few minutes, she was in another solar system filled with false beliefs. Thankfully her legal, banking, codicil was all done way way before she moved into a NH. You can’t wait on stuff as the bank will likely want her to sit in a bank officers office on her own to verify that whatever’s being changed is what she wants to do. If you take her to SSA office, they will do this too.

Really for her own safety and security, and your own sanity, get with an atty to review her legal and do whatever fresh needed & soon.

I think you need to be sure you have specifics on your mom's honest-to-goodness financial situation. Do you know ALL of her income, monthly costs, and debts? There could be other reasons why she wants this reverse mortgage. If she lowered her spending by 90%, how did she do that? Are these budget reductions sustainable? What did she cut, or was she just transferring debt around and chose to view it as a "savings?" I've known many elders who have done this because they are scared or embarrassed and may not even fully understand it all anymore. And, many elders tell one story but it's quite another on paper. One lady I know had a large lien on her house due to ongoing mismanagement. All the while, she continued to spend, spend, spend and act like all was well - and was still propping up her oldest son to the tune of many thousands of dollars because she didn't want to admit she didn't have the money. This lady, just like your mom, likely got manipulated by "nice" people at banks and credit card companies and signed all kinds of things that she was certain would help her (but in the long run did not). We could not stop her since she was competent and still drove. She kept a lot of it to herself and it didn't unravel until her health started to decline. Anyway, I don't think reverse mortgages are always bad, but each and every other alternative MUST be exhausted first. It's supposed to be a last resort. It needs to be clearly understood what the financial problem is, what a reverse mortgage is, and HOW will this solution solve the problem. Often these financial "fixes" don't fix anything because the initial problem was not clearly understood.

I think the Federal Trade Commission may help here if you need to file a complaint.

"The purpose of the FTC is to enforce the provisions of the Federal Trade Commission Act, which prohibits "unfair or deceptive acts or practices in commerce." The Clayton Antitrust Act (1914) also granted the FTC the authority to act against specific and unfair monopolistic practices"