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Although she is cleaned very often, how do we make sure we are cleaning her vagina well?

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I think you are on the right track about the connection to diarrhea. Ask a nurse to demonstrate proper cleaning techniques. If she doesn't have a visiting nurse now, ask her doctor to order a visit, to demonstrate that and to answer other questions about handling a bedridden person. Have you had training in avoiding bedsores, for example?

Also ask about preventative measures such as JoAnn mentions. And wouldn't it be great to minimize the episodes of diarrhea?

You deserve some help.
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I used Huggie baby wipes. They are big and thick. Didn't understand your part about diapers. But if she wears them she may be allergic to that brand. You may want to ask her Dr. about cranberry tablets for the UTIs and a probiotic.
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