Mom was hospitalized a couple of weeks ago for several issues, most significantly diverticulitis. She has dementia and declined severely while hospitalized. Begged and screamed to go home. In retrospect says she will never go back to that "awful place". Meaning the #1 trauma center in this part of the state. She received excellent care, corroborated by a family member who is herself a top-notch physician. I witnessed the doctors, nurses and staff doing their utmost to help my mom.
Now that mom is home which is what she begged for, she is miserable. Going on about how she has had nothing in her 82 years but misery. Not even remotely true. Indeed, she has suffered the loss of two husbands and raised us as a single parent. She has been quite healthy her entire life, and has never as an adult experienced financial hardship. She has a lovely home and two cats she adores. She and my dad had a wonderful marriage. His life was cut short at 36. She and her second husband ran a restaurant where, although hard work, they made many friends. They traveled and had a nice life together. He developed dementia himself and passed in 2009. Mom has isolated herself since and become more and more depressed. She refuses medical intervention. She has her local PCP, who although competent and very compassionate, is just that. A PCP. He is not trained to treat her now many ailments.
I am in the process of setting up home care for her. I live 75 miles away, my brother lives 300 miles away. I am retired, he is younger and still has a few years left to work. Neither of us is moving in with her, although she is resistant to strangers in the house. She is manipulative and starts crying to get her way.
She has had GI issues her entire life. No treatment and she says "it's just the way I am". Now she's in a mess of chronic diverticulitis, and a benign pancreatic mass that is pressing on her stomach severely limiting her appetite. We thought we had an answer with Boost or Ensure, which she liked, but we discovered it has milk protein. Anything with the words milk or dairy are a big NO.
Not sure where to go from here. We are waiting for a GI referral which is dragging on. She is not a candidate for anything invasive, including colonoscopy. She's too weak to withstand it. I think palliative care is the best we can hope for.