Mom is attacking me when I visit. How do I handle it?

I too. Am not dealing well with the attacks. I get beaten down so hard I want to run away. Now I try to change subject but often loose it and fight back. That makes it worse. So I listen and don't answer and some times he stops.

Gerip, check out Black Hole's post above yours....

Another thing you might need to consider is having your parents in separate rooms. That way they can visit each other, but staff can separate them when necessary. It may cut way back on the agitation.

I have the same issue, it can start off great, " so glad to see you", but then the repetitive questions start and if I say something she does not want to hear, the attacks start along with the tears. It is making me not want to visit, but I have to do the right thing.... I know you mentioned your dad and Reese's, but does Mom have a favorite? Maybe that would help? Believe me you are not alone and good luck.

When your parents lived in their own home and everyone had all their buttons, did you see them Every Single Day??

Your daily visits to the nursing home are in direct conflict with self-preservation. Could you consider dialing it back to 1x or 2x or 3x per week?

Declining parents can and will suck the life right out of you. It’s time to make self-care a priority.

Less “face time” does not mean you love your parents any less. It means that you are an adult with your own life and your own needs. There’s nothing wrong with honoring that.

From reading your previous posts, it surely sounds like this situation has deteriorated markedly over the past year of posts I re-read. My mother became combative when she suffered from UTIs and in the hospital for a severe one, she attacked the nurses and wound up tied to the bed rails. She got it together, but I know she was “this close” to a Geri Psych facility. We wound up deciding Mom should be tested monthly for UTIs for everyone’s protection. Has the staff mentioned to you that she attacks them as well? People with dementia often target one person.

When you visit Mom, it goes without saying that you need to be cautious and very aware of her mood. If it’s continually a bad one, ask the staff if they can bring your father to the common room for a visit, and bring him all the Reese’s you can carry. (Those are my favorites too!) Have you reported these attacks to the staff? They need to know so they can supervise Mom around Dad.

I’m sure you’ve considered having Mom re-evaluated and having her meds adjusted.

I would ask for a consult with a geriatric psychiatrist for meds to help with her anxiety and paranoia.

How often do you visit? Can you say "mom, I need to leave now; I'll come back when you're feeling better".

Her brain is broken but it's hard not to take her verbal attacks personally. Protect yourself from her when you need to .