My very independent 85 year old mom has never been a particularly nice person except in public. Now I take her to her appointments because she can’t find the offices and it’s scary for everyone else. She calls the office and yells at the staff for not having a more visible address!

Now she seems mad from the minute we start an outing. Why do they talk to YOU??? I'M THE PATIENT.

We had an appointment to establish with a new Doctor when ours retired. I went to another room and she saw him solo. He found an abnormal thyroid test and wanted to repeat it, but she insulted him and said she does not want to take a thyroid med and wants to consult her Cardiologist.

Its not what she says as much as how she says it. EVIL.

I talked her into having the test repeated and when the Assistant came out to discuss the result she talked in low tones and Mom went off on her. WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? IM THE PATIENT!!!!


She laid into me in the car and I lost it!

I had to say that it isn’t anyone’s fault that she has health issues, and I’m not going to take her to my Doctors office for her to behave this way.

She needs the help but hates me giving it.

Feeling unloved and unappreciated. I moved 1500 miles to be here to help her now she hates me.

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Mom does not hate you, you are the person that happens to be there.
The doctor should be talking directly to your mom directly but you should be in the room with them if you are doing the care-giving. The doctor can talk loud enough so both you and she can hear the instructions/diagnosis.
This is what I do...
I explained to my Daddy that its better to have four ears hear what the doctor says in case I miss something then you can remind me, or the other way around.
Upon arrival to the doctors office if I need to tell the doctor something before he sees my daddy I just let them know and the doctor will call me in first I just tell my Daddy "Dr. X wants to tell me how I am doing in the care-giving so it will be a few minutes"
I sit beside my Daddy when we are in the doctors office. This way the doctor is looking at my Daddy yet looking at me. I can give eye contact to the doctor. Giving the doctor a head nod or shake or wink also helps the doctor understand if it is the truth or not.
Calling the doctor before we go to give them a heads-up helps.
Geriatric doctors deal with this all the time, let them know the situation they will work with you.
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Your mom doesn't hate you. She hates the gradual loss of her independence and is taking it out on anyone she sees as contributing to that, especially you. Caregivers always get the brunt anyway but you're a symbol to her of what she's losing.

Her attitude and the way she treats not only you but others has to do with her and how she's feeling and coping. It has little to do with you. I know that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Maybe try approaching your mom about it, see if she'll talk to you about it.
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Your Mom is correct in that the people need to talk to her. You need to say something when they direct questions to you. "Could you speak up so Mom can hear? Or, please direct your questions to Mom? If she answers wrong you can always shake your head a little so Mom doesn't see.

I think your Mom has a mental issue and always has. People on the whole just don't act like this. You say she has never been a nice person but OK in public. Now nasty in public also can't find offices. This sounds like Dementia to me, not old age. Mom needs to be evaluated. Really, were is the logic in thinking that a cardiologist can help with Thyroid.

Thyroid can be serious. You either gain weight or lose it. My Moms effected her heart rate. She was not getting enough oxygen and almost fell.
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