Mom has stage 4 liver and lung cancer, diabetes and MS and insists she is perfectly fine living alone. My sister and I have been helping her for the past 3 years. We both work full time and live about an hour away. She has been slowly declining, but in the past 2-3 months she has really gone down hill. The local police and EMT are getting regular calls from her -sometimes just to bring in her groceries. She has recently become verbally abusive and believes everyone including my sister and I are lying to her and trying to cheat her. Her memory is going-she mixes different events together, but insists she is perfectly fine and still capable of living alone. She has always had hoarder instincts, but these have gotten out of control recently.
Her doctors have referred her to 3 different hospice services, but after meeting with them, she has rejected services. She has hired and fired multiple support agencies-usually in the same week. Her doctors aren’t willing to stick their necks out to declare her incompetent so we can take on healthcare POA. Finally APS has taken notice-both the latest hospice and the EMT service reported her, but APS has done nothing so far. Mom is on Medicaid, and we’ve been reluctant to pursue guardianship because of the time it would take-figuring because of the cancer it didn’t make sense and we didn’t want to put her through it. She refuses to consider moving and insists she is going to die in her house. Feeling incredibly stuck by this whole situation. There doesn’t seem to be anything we can do to help her or that she even wants any help! We are both fed up with the verbal abuse and her inability to recognize the situation. It would be nice if she were at least comfortable and safe. And of course there is still some feeling that maybe we should do something with her for Thanksgiving-but no way it could happen at her house. Way too much mess, urine, dogs, etc. COVID makes it even more challenging. I hate to say this but neither of us have any love for her. Should we just walk away and leave her to her fate?