I guess I have grown old and cynical about these senior brat threats that I have grown barnicles on my hide after dealing with these folks.
How I deal with them now is I don't listen any longer. Their brains are broken, and I have a right to how much of this nonsense I'm going to take on. There is a such thing as having boundaries. What I'm noticing is that these people will make threats to take away a POA. I'm like; so what? Do it and end my misery. My sister played this game with her daughter, and called me about it. I told her I was not going to become the POA. I told her that I can help her make phone calls to agencies if she needed help with something, but that was as far as my services would extend to her. I haven't heard anything else from her. LOL Her daughter thought I was lying about the POA incident and a year later called to apologize for not believing me. My attitude was like; I don't care what you believe at this point. You mother knew what she did and acting like she didn't do it did not fly over with me. I have a bs detector. I haven't heard anymore from them. Good riddance.
So is this new for mom or has she always been this way? Just wondering if you are finally setting boundaries and she is mad or if this change is because of her dementia.
Learn from your kids, if they have “…..gone on to live their lives..”, because if it intensely bothers you that your mother gets mad at you, you’re still expecting her to treat you differently from the way she treats you now, and she can’t.
Your mother is no longer to understand the consequences of what she says. You will be more comfortable when you can accept the fact that what she says to you is the result of declining brain function, not true intent.
She would have to go hire a lawyer, prove that she was cognitively intact, and withdraw her POA from you, and then select someone else and legally indicate that that person has become her POA.
Do you think she’d be able to do that?
Continue to love and respect her, but be sure that you understand that her being “mad” has nothing to do with what you do regarding her care.
I don't like you. You've not my friend anymore. You won't do what I say. I'm getting a new friend.
That's the jist right? Sigh.
Sometimes an elder threatens to revoke the POA, wants to nominate the next sibling or niece/nephew. Someone they feel will 'obey'. Want to change their will too.
Really need a professional opinion as to their level of understanding & competence.
I met a lovely man who was often very happy & sweet. Also often angry at his daughter for not picking him up & driving him to his house to live alone again. He had memory loss, was diabetic, incontinent, was unable to walk or self-propel a wheelchair. Had one leg amputated (no prosthetic as had been unable to participate with physio). Needed staff to hoist from bed to chair. Needed staff to wash & dispense his meds. However, could eat his meal himself when placed directly in front of him (lids off) 😃. He continually hassled his daughter with demands: Get me home. Find me a new home. Get me new shoes (so I can walk??) Get me a laywer so I can change my POA..
MiamiAnnie, what sort of demands does your Mom have? Are any reasonable? Or is there a big lack of insight to her situation?
A diagnosis of dementia doesn’t necessarily mean incapacitated. If she finds a way to get forms to revoke POA and signs in front of a notary and witness, it’s possible. It would be up to the notary or attorney to decide if she’s mentally competent enough to sign. That’s the way it is in my state.
No, she can't take back the POA. If you're acting in her best interests and the nursing home is getting paid on time, there's no problem.
Honestly, what can your mother really do from a nursing home? You don't have to listen to her demands. You can walk away. Hang up a phone. Or not visit for a while.
How I deal with them now is I don't listen any longer. Their brains are broken, and I have a right to how much of this nonsense I'm going to take on. There is a such thing as having boundaries. What I'm noticing is that these people will make threats to take away a POA. I'm like; so what? Do it and end my misery. My sister played this game with her daughter, and called me about it. I told her I was not going to become the POA. I told her that I can help her make phone calls to agencies if she needed help with something, but that was as far as my services would extend to her. I haven't heard anything else from her. LOL Her daughter thought I was lying about the POA incident and a year later called to apologize for not believing me. My attitude was like; I don't care what you believe at this point. You mother knew what she did and acting like she didn't do it did not fly over with me. I have a bs detector.
I haven't heard anymore from them. Good riddance.
Your mother is no longer to understand the consequences of what she says. You will be more comfortable when you can accept the fact that what she says to you is the result of declining brain function, not true intent.
She would have to go hire a lawyer, prove that she was cognitively intact, and withdraw her POA from you, and then select someone else and legally indicate that that person has become her POA.
Do you think she’d be able to do that?
Continue to love and respect her, but be sure that you understand that her being “mad” has nothing to do with what you do regarding her care.
That's the jist right? Sigh.
Sometimes an elder threatens to revoke the POA, wants to nominate the next sibling or niece/nephew. Someone they feel will 'obey'. Want to change their will too.
Really need a professional opinion as to their level of understanding & competence.
I met a lovely man who was often very happy & sweet. Also often angry at his daughter for not picking him up & driving him to his house to live alone again. He had memory loss, was diabetic, incontinent, was unable to walk or self-propel a wheelchair. Had one leg amputated (no prosthetic as had been unable to participate with physio). Needed staff to hoist from bed to chair. Needed staff to wash & dispense his meds. However, could eat his meal himself when placed directly in front of him (lids off) 😃. He continually hassled his daughter with demands: Get me home. Find me a new home. Get me new shoes (so I can walk??)
Get me a laywer so I can change my POA..
MiamiAnnie, what sort of demands does your Mom have? Are any reasonable? Or is there a big lack of insight to her situation?
Honestly, what can your mother really do from a nursing home? You don't have to listen to her demands. You can walk away. Hang up a phone. Or not visit for a while.