I asked a friend at work if she would like to go ride with me and a couple of friends in spring, she said yes. Mom invited herself....

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She IS Narcissistic. Now she is putting a guilt trip on me. She does NOT understand that I need time with MY friends, and I then reminded her of when I was younger how she would say "Me and your sister are going to lunch" I would always say "I want to go too!" She would then reply "YOU'RE NOT INVITED!" (that hurt like h***). So, I asked a friend at work last night "In the Spring when the weather is good wuld you like to go on a ride with us?" She said "YES!" Made the big mistake of telling my 79 year old mom who IS very active. She has now acting offended cause she horns in on everything I do. I told her we clean firt then we ride. She said then she will not go cause she doesn't want to clean stalls. I said that's all part of it. Now she is acting all hurt. I don't know what to do here. I will not ride with more than 4 people at time. There is already 4 going. Don't know what to do.

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THank you. Yes, she does get out of the house, yes, she drives, she has friends, but gets very offended when they have family obligations and commitments. She resents anyone with kids cause they "take away" HER time with that friend....She IS narcissictic. So then here comes the "Woe is me guilt trip". She will stew on it for days. Last time it was "I will just quit my church then cause so and so didn't show up and they said thay would....etc" I said "Ooooooh, You'll show them!" and then I added..."WHO CARES?" followed by " Theres a million churches in this town, go join one!"
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You don't need to debate or justify yourself to your mom. You have every right to see people on your own. Tell her what you are going to do. If she starts in or wants to go - be gentle, but say "no, this is just for us this time" - do not bring up anything form the past - no tit for tat. You are an adult. As an adult you have every right to make your own decisions. So do so. As an adult you do not need to get into a debate with your mom - so don't. She will try to pull guilt on you - it has worked in the past apparently. How she feels is your mom's issue - not yours.

I have had to deal with my mom. Me "I'm going to the Como gardens with Jane" mom "I want to go too!" and then the heavy guilt when I say, gently "this time is just with Jane, but I would be happy to go take you some other time" and if she keeps on, which she does, laying years of guilt on my "I'm sorry you feel that way" and I leave. Do this over and over and she will get it. then later I follow up with my mom and make plans with her for the same gardens, and maybe ask if she wants to bring a friend (lots of her friends no longer drive so it is a treat when I take them)

Bottom line - your life, you are an adult, you call the shots in your life.
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Sorry, but bringing up a can of spaghettios from decades ago is not a good idea, especially if you want a healthy relationship with your mom. Maybe think about Get over it and focus on the present. Imho
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Devil's advocate. I hope you do take Mom out sometimes and she is not stuck sitting at home alone watching you live while she is just existing. Define 'mom is very active'. Does she go on outings?
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Thank you everyone. Yes, I DO need my "ME" time. So hard living with a senior who is Narcisitic. Its like she wants to have me only to feed off of...Now, a few weeks ago she was all kinds of upset cause a lady who she has become friends with was supposed to meet her at her church. This friend has a very ill sis, and is a very busy person. So, because she didn't show, mom was very upset and said she wouldn't go back there, etc cause her friend broke her word,
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It's difficult to let go of the guilt you get for wanting some independence, but it's important that you do so for both of your sakes. If you feel trapped and unhappy how are you going to have a relationship with your Mom and not feel resentment towards her? If she wants to feel angry at you for enjoying time with others that's her business, but try not to buy into it for yourself. It's hard I know but you're worth it.
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My mother asked me where I went on my date, when I told her the name of the nice restaurant, she had a mean fit and said she would enjoy going there!!
Next time she asks, I'll tell her I went for coffee.
What about all the times she and dad went out to dinner and left us with a can of spaghetti O's and the Brady Bunch?
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Of course you don't need to bring your mother along - and you don't need to feel an ounce of guilt over it. Filling your mothers every minute with entertainment is NOT your job! Give in now and soon you won't be able to go to the bathroom alone. You are entitled to your own time, with your own friends - your own life! Mom will get over it.
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Good answer, Pam!! 3884:Go out with friends and have a good time!!! then tell your Mom how wonderful time you had and do it again more often.
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Go with your own friends. Leave mom home. Tell her she needs to play with people her own age and the car is full. She can pout as good as you did.
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