Mom, who has mid stage Alzheimer’s and lives with me, started having pain at the top of her leg a few weeks ago. Some days she didn’t seem bothered by it and some days she did. I made a doctors appointment to address this but last Monday she couldn’t get out of bed and was screaming in pain. Paramedics took her to the hospital and an MRI revealed she has a high grade tear of her hamstring. Orthopedics decided for no surgery at this moment so after a few days in the hospital she was transferred to rehab. I had been considering getting my mom into a facility recently. I am her sole caregiver. No other family. It’s been getting overwhelming caring for her and working full time so I thought this might be a chance to see how things go. She was transferred Sunday and for most of the last two days all she has done is cry and say she is scared.Does it get better? I am absolutely heartbroken when I see her. She is with it enough to remember just enough but her short term memory is very bad. Even when she was at home she went through periods several times a week when she was scared and crying but not like this.
Your mom now needs care of several shifts of folks with several people working each shift. Let the social workers know TODAY that you already knew you were drowning under this, and now Mom cannot return home and requires placement. That anything else would be an "unsafe discharge" and reported as such to JCAHO. Use that exact wording.
Wishing you good luck and am so sorry you and your Mom having to go through this.
Is rehab actually doing anything for her?
Is she able to participate in any PT or OT that is being done?
If she is not "improving or participating" Medicare or Medicaid will not allow her to remain in rehab long.
Talk to the Social Worker and tell them that you need to find a facility that will safely manage her care. That could be Skilled Nursing if she is unable to transfer or Memory Care if that is suitable for her.
You tell mom that she can't come home until her doctor tells her she can. (make sure her doctor is aware that you can not bring her home)
Also ask the doctor to prescribe medication for her anxiety, that may help her as well.
She is not going to like staying where she is or moving to another facility but she will be safe, she will be cared for 24/7.
First please consult an eldercare attorney in your area. Even a consultation will help clarify any concerns you have and will allow you a quick education on what will be needed for her long term care application if needed. Only use your mothers money if you need to hire the attorney. I highly recommend an attorney if she has savings and assets that will need to be spent down to get to the states threshold to be able to apply for Medicaid Long-term care.
Wishing you peace and strength during this difficult journey.
As others have said, this is a good opportunity to have her placed somewhere permanently. If she is in rehab right now, talk immediately to the social worker there, saying that you can't take her home, that it would be an unsafe discharge and you need help finding a place for her permanently. (As others have said, stick to your guns if they try to convince you otherwise: just keep firm in your mind that you are not taking her back home, and they can't force you to unless you let them.) This should trigger an assessment from them to see what care she needs, and then they will see where she might fit - can she just stay at that facility in the memory care wing, or does anywhere else have a bed? At this time also take stock of her finances (hopefully you already have power of attorney for her and there isn't any question that you can make medical decisions for her) and talk to an elder care attorney to get that second opinion on how to draw down on her assets to make the switch to Medicaid easier.
Hopefully the rehab social worker will give you a list of some places that have openings and you can go look at them before your mom needs to be transferred. Talk to the social workers there not only about the place and amenities your mom needs but also the cost and the process for setting up her payments and any help they would be able to give you on switching over to Medicaid. (Some places will help you apply for that, which is fine so long as you know what should happen from talking to your estate lawyer and are in the loop.) It may be a very busy sprint of stuff to do before she times out of rehab and needs to transfer, but it can be done.
Good luck and best wishes.
It does get better, but it might take some time. A few months, even.
What helped me through something similar was to remember that pain and sadness are not problems to fix, emotions are meant to be felt.
She's in the right place. Validate her feelings, cry with her if you feel like it.