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There have also been times when they used dry shampoo on her ..my guess because she didn't get a shower.

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I do believe in Michigan it is stated that nursing home/memory facility patients are required to be given 2 showers per week. Or maybe that is attempted cleanings! Of course you will get many reasons why only two, one of them being very thin skin on seniors and tearing of skin. If you are concerned can you hire an aide for an additional cleaning per week? Maybe you could be present and chat with her to distract her. Does she need to sit? Are the showers walk in or wheel in? Did you ask Mom why she didn't want a shower or cleaning? Maybe you can find out that something bothers her about the process, whether it is modesty or maybe someone touching her . My MIL hated the aides touching her. I do believe it was all about cultural and up-bringing differences combined with her resistance that made it a difficult process for all. I hope by this date(based on the date you posted) that you have had some resolution in this matter.
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One thing to look at is the state of the other residents in your mom's unit. Just like I would evaluate a daycare. Is everybody filthy with inflated diapers and crusted snot or just my kid? If it's everybody, then you may be onto something systemic. If it's just one or two, then there's more to the story.

Saying someone has behaviors that prevent hygiene is not a dead end. Talk to the doctor about the behaviors. That plus any personality changes can mean a variety of things that are totally fixable like a UTI or medication conflict. Or it can mean they've entered a new stage on the road through dementia and you need creative solutions. Warm body wipes and only do part of her at a time so she doesn't get cold.

If you are concerned for your mother's care and safety, then look at other choices that can meet her present and future needs to satisfaction. Nobody "has" to stay anywhere unless there's a court order. It's not prison.

At the same time, document your concerns to the director of nursing and the facility manager. Take pictures to have a visual of multiple instances over time.
Research the facility with your state department of health for complaints and self-reported incidents.

It's a hard road to navigate. My mother has bitten, hit, spit on, slapped, and fought bathing and changing. It's not as bad as before, but during that time, it was an impossible job for anyone. Restraints are illegal.

Mom wouldn't let anybody touch her nails. Her hands were disgusting. She wouldn't let anybody wipe her hands or cut her nails. They were long, jagged, and cracked. The crud under her nails was so built up I almost barfed. We all tried. Any stranger coming in to see my mom would have been outraged. This went on for weeks and weeks. I finally caught a lucky break and was able to de-crud and cut her nails while she was distracted. Hal-le-loo!
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In New Jersey showers are twice a week. You cannot force a resident to get a shower.
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Maybe this is just a NY thing, but nursing home residents are supposed to get 2 showers a week. Nursing homes that feel *particularly comfortable lying claim that residents get sponge baths on other days. Reality is that some residents are never bathed. Nursing homes claim it is against the law to "force" them if they "refuse." Terrible.
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lisaformarilyn, I see that your question about the "norm" has been answered. Dry shampoo is fairly standard.

Who selected this facility for her? Do you think you could do a better job now that you know what to look for? Is it feasible to change to a place you think Mom would like better?
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The norm seems to be once a week. Why do you think the hair loss is from the dry shampoo?

It sounds as though you are dissatisfied with her care.
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I am not guessing, I know for a fact. Yes, she looks forward to her showers and yes, she has lost weight. Her hair was falling out because of that dry shampoo they used on her. She very rarely gets a drink when she asks for it. Conferences are a joke. They insist that my mother gets exercise but she does not.
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My mom, too, was a shower and bath lover "before". At the nh, she's mostly content with once a week, except...

One day, my sil said " oh, it's so nice, tonight you'll have your shower"
Mom said safly " no, i can't take showers anymore". After some extensive investigation, it turned out th hat mom had been refusing showers because she hsd suddenly decided that it meant she had yo stand ( she'd been using a dhower chair for 6 months ). There is no guessing and very little teasoning from prior knowledge in eldercare!
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She normally showers once a week. Postponing that a couple of days may be because they were short-handed on her normal day, someone took much longer than they expect, your mother said she was too cold to shower that day, there was a plumbing problem ... who knows? You could find out about it, though, if you ask.

My mom used to love showers, too. And then suddenly she not only didn't love them, she hated them. Maybe your mom still does look forward to her Thursday shower. But don't assume that. Ask at care conference.

Food. Ahh. The Big Likability Factor. Mom loves the meals at her NH -- espeically that she doesn't have to shop for them or cook them or clean up after them! :) When I eat there with her I think the good is fairly bland and unimaginative, but certainly acceptable. I have heard other residents complain that the food is terrible. It is one of those areas where it is hard to please everyone! If your mom has special needs -- easy-to-chew foods, for example -- have you discussed that with the staff? The dietary person usually comes to the care conferences. Also they keep track of who skips meals and how often, or who eats almost nothing, so you could get an accurate picture about that. Is Mom losing weight? At my mom's nh there are two main choices for supper and also soup or sandwiches if neither choice appeals to the resident. What options does your mother have?

I'm with Babalou. Be sure to attend care conferences and/or to talk to appropriate people on the staff to get all the details about your mother's care. Talk to them about what your mother needs/prefers.
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My mom loves showers. She used to shower every day before going into the home. She looks forward to Thursday's when she can get clean. Also, food is lousy. She skips dinner regularly because the food is either not good or too hard to chew.
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Lisa, back in June your Mom was placed in a nursing home after a fall. What are her medical issues? Is it more than regular age decline? Does she had memory issues?

Elder with memory issues go through a phase where they hate to take baths/showers and will fight tooth and nail not to have one. If a patient is uncooperative, there isn't a whole lot a nursing home can do, as there are other patients to bath/shower.

The dry shampooing appears to be a lot easier to do then washing an elders hair in the shower. The hospital and nursing home used that for my Mom's hair and she liked it :)
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Nursing homes normally shower once a week . Records are kept in a log. Ask to see the records.
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Stop guessing. When is your next care conference? If it's not this week, have a sit down withe the DoN and SW; find out what's going on.
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