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Well, there is more going on with mom and I am tired of everything. My youngest brother (YB), had set up a team meeting to ask about mom coming home. It starts out all ok, then he decides he just thinks she should be leaving...on Friday. It most likely will be against medical advice (AMA).


I do not want to be a part in this. He says she is getting weaker by staying there because PT is done once a day or every 2 days. :(


I can't tell how true her getting weaker is.


She managed to break her hearing aids, one of which she said doesn't fit her. She hates the new hearing aid place and now she wants to go back to the older place which I believe she has said she hated at that time. Of course she will need a hearing test and all that stuff.


It looks like she will need oxygen 24/7 which she didn't want to do before. without oxygen, it read 85, which is really low. it seems she needs it now. which again will mean a portable oxygen concentrator, which if I take her out, I will have to drag along. :(


She is a constant complainer, I think we may have accidentally taught her if she complains enough, she will eventually get her way.


Middle brother (MB) is in Mass General, Boston, he had open heart surgery to replace a valve on Friday. I don't want to get him involved in this mess. Not that he was much physical help anyway. but he did contact Bristol Elders and a few other places. I have done most of the rest of the needed stuff like taking her to appointments and to her knitting group.


I have refused to help YB with this mess. I have already told him at the team meeting, I will not be staying with her so who will?


Is there anything I should be doing?


This is making me crazy. I guess I am venting more than anything else.


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Rita, not sure you understand how rehab works. Its usually recommended after a hospital stay after being there 3 or 4 days. Its really just to help them get their strength back. Now if they broke a hip, lets say, then it would be more extensive therapy. Medicare pays for rehab. 100% the first 20 days only 50% the next 21 to 100 days. Hopefully her supplimental will pick up some or all of the other 50% but in my Moms case she paid $150 a day.

I agree with your brother. Therapy is once or twice a day. The rest of the time the patients sit around. If they can walk on their own or with a walker they r lucky. My Mom was in a uncomfortable wheelchair the rest of the day. You are not guaranteed the 100 days. This is what Medicare will pay up to but if its found Mom has hit her plateau or won't cooperate with Pt then she will be discharged because Medicare will no longer pay for her care. Medicare calls the shots. Her not being able to cook or has incontinence is not a good reason for Medicare to pay for her care. Once Mom is home you can ask her PCP for PT, OT at home. The OT will show her how to cook again and maybe help with toileting.

You said your brothers have authority to make the calls concerning Mom. You told your YB that you can't be there. He chose to take Mom home. Is your concern she is home alone? I see she suffers from Dementia. Reason why she may becoming incontinent and not able to cook. She is forgetting and this can't be fixed with therapy. She will continue to decline. So sorry.
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After the meeting on Wednesday, YB texted me to say she is being discharged by the NH on Friday (today). I wonder if they did this partly because he was such a problem?
Anyway, mean as it sounds, I will not be there today. I will go down on Sunday afternoon.
thanks for all your help! I still feel a bit crazy.
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Rovana, there was a thread concerning leaving against AMA a little while ago. It was found that Medicare and Insurances will pay for services up until discharge. It was said that Drs. say this to keep patients in the facility.
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RitaDenise Mar 6, 2019
YB says mom is easy to keep there so they can make money off her.
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If mom leaves AMA, how will that affect insurance coverage ongoing? Medicare rules? I'd suggest you look into that.
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What did the rehab say about her discharge. If Mom is not improving and not following instructions the rehab will release her because Medicare will not pay.

Not sure you can do anything. Brother has her living with him. He is the one who wants her discharged he is the one who will suffer the consequences. You told him in front of staff you will not stay with her. All I can say is stick by your guns.

No, don't tell middle brother. Nothing he can do. He will be reciprocating for a while.
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RitaDenise Mar 6, 2019
the rehab folks have heard me say that mom needs to be able to toilet herself, and make meals for herself (cook). I think I added a 3rd, but I can't remember it now.
So they are trying to help me out with this.

Plus YB and MB are health proxy - not sure what bearing this has in this case.
I see what YB is saying, PT only gets her up once a day, nurses a couple of times to toilet. at home she is up and down all day. Plus she sleeps in her recliner. she can't sleep in bed or wheelchair and doesn't like the other chair in the room. I think she sleeps all night in her recliner.

She is starting to really complain about PT making her exercise her arms. Just wants to walk.
If, If, her apartment space was bigger, I might be tempted to move in. But even MB admits its not comfortable even to visit. Packed full of fabric in boxes hardly room for a couple of chairs. she has 2 recliners also and tiny kitchen area with small table.

However, my husband does not want me to move in with her anyway. YB has a room that is more a living room that his older son used as bedroom. I just can not imagine me staying there. :(
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So , how long can mom stay in rehab? Don't you all think she should stay there until the discharge folks weigh in on what her needs are?
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