Mom in memory care and has issues. Can they throw her out and where would she go?

I am an Alzheimer’s Caregiver in Washington State who works now privately but have experience in facility care. This is a “normal” behavior in Alzheimer’s Dementia and the training recommendation I received is to provide them with correct places to spit or blow their nose. I have a patient now who does this constantly but is able to be directed to blow into a handkerchief or does it while out on walks with care providers like myself. It is intense but we have learned to make “snot” jokes and remind him it’s normal but needs to happen in specific places. Your mother may or may not be able to understand this concept at this point in her care.

This behavior usually begins in mid-stages so she may not be able to be redirected to the appropriate place to spit or blow her nose but that is something the facility caregivers are trained to handle. If they have taken the trainings they should know this is a normal degenerative behavior.

The reality of facility care is they are understaffed and stretched thin. However, you are paying for the support and they are knowledgeable in providing that care so this should not be a reason for eviction. If they are threatening eviction you have every right to seek an Ombudsman’s support. They don’t have a right to refuse caring for someone with problematic behaviors if the person is there to be treated for those problematic behaviors.

Something else to consider is that your mother may be using the tools she has to communicate her displeasure with being institutionalized. It may not be an option for you to move her into a different environment but if it is this may be something you want to consider. When patients lose the ability to communicate they will use what tools they have. If spitting and blowing her nose is what she has access to this could be her trying to communicate her discomfort, pain, or emotional upsets. Having a neurological or geriatric psychologist or psychiatrist give her a visit may be helpful in determining the motivation for the behavior. This may also ensure there is not another underlying issue present such as an infection.

Sending my best to you!
em

moefenn, the things your Mother is doing could possibly be related to an Urinary Tract Infection {UTI]. Such an infection can cause an array of unwanted behaviors in older people.

Your Mom can be tested at her primary doctor's office or even at an urgent care. She would need to pee in a cup. I know, sometimes that isn't easy. If it comes back positive, antibiotics can slow down the infection.

'so they say'

Have you not seen this behavior yourself? In the era of COVID we couldn't even shake hands, and I still am squeamish to do so! Somebody spitting on me, or blowing their nose on me---that's gross. But I get it. With no 'filter' she's going to do whatever she wants and the fact it's NOT Ok, makes it hard.

Is this behavior b/c she's anxious or depressed or simply has no cognitive ability to not do this?

Perhaps a mild antidepressant or antianxiety med could help. I truly don't know what is causing this in her behavior--same as I couldn't ever figure out why Granddad spit in a little garbage can all day when his dementia settled in. Grandma was mortified, but luckily she was able to 'train' him to spit only in ONE small garbage can and she emptied it 3-4 times a day. It was lined, of course.

Memory care places can only do so much--if mom is taking 20% of their time and effort to keep her from this behavior, then the rest of the residents are receiving the 'dregs' of the the CG's energy.

I'm so sorry for you, for this behavior. If it's not one thing, it's another!

The only thing I can think of is keeping her well stocked with tissues. I remember all the women of a 'certain age' having kleenexes packed into the sleeves, their cleavage, their pockets. They were like walking tissue dispensers.

Good Luck. This is an odd one, for sure.