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We moved mom (now 85) into MC at the end of January 2024. She is in a really good, safe facility with lots of events and capable, pleasant staff. I visit twice a week, and my cousins when they can. She was diagnosed with Schizophrenia and is being medicated (per her doctor) and is regularly seeing a therapist (per mom). One doctor (that got love bombed) said she thought it was not Schizophrenia, but simply dementia (hence the placement), but all the other doctors I spoke with said that was wrong. Upon placement her short term and long term memory were excellent. She responded well to meds and her hallucinations are minimal and her delusions are not scary anymore. She is a lot calmer, but since she has narcissistic personality disorder she is still difficult, insulting, grandiose and hard to please and remembers things the way she wants them to be, not how they are or were. She has been tested for UTI and it was negative. I've noticed in the last few weeks or so a slowing down. Mom is having more memory lapses, forgetting the last time I visited. She is starting to notice and it is bothering her a lot. Her NPD demands she always be right and mentally alert as she cannot fathom going downhill mentally. She asked why I didn't visit on a Wednesday, but I had visited. She forgot that my cousins had visited. She gets days of the week mixed up as well as seasons and months. She has not been dwelling on things she was passionate about even as recently as this past spring. She lost access to her Facebook account (long story) and that could be playing a part in her change in behavior as it kept her up to date on family, current events, etc. She watches YouTube a lot since she lost Facebook. She has always had bouts of rage, so that's not a good indicator of possible dementia in her case. Should I ask her current doctor to assess her for dementia? Is this just normal forgetfulness of ageing? What should I be looking for as far as behavioral changes? This is an age in place facility, so unless she needs shots or a feeding tube, they will care for her the rest of her life. I just want to know if I'm looking for all the right things to be prepared for changes and maybe prepare her (though she hates the word "dementia" and gets angry when it is mentioned). My relatives are no help as they were in denial about her mental state for a long time before she was placed. My siblings are MIA, which is fine.

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Update: Today (9/10/25) mom's symptoms seemed even worse. She got lost recently trying to find her room, cannot remember other resident's names well (a sudden change), and had a blank look for a bit, which I had not seen before. She asked if my kids were at church, since she thought it was Sunday. She has always been very intentional about her physical motions, but today she seemed like she didn't know why she was wheeling herself toward the bathroom. She never used it and just opened the door, stared in and came back over to me. She did remember a conversation we had Sunday, and elaborated on her side of the story she had been telling me the other day. She listed the doctors and specialists she wanted to see soon to get new hearing aids, new glasses, eyes checked, etc. She remembered one appointment is in six months without me mentioning it. I spoke with staff to make sure there were no changes in meds and they said she is still on the same meds, same doses. She had a blood test this month and has no UTI signs. The doctor checked her out as well I think and had nothing to report. She said they did have a group coloring day and she got to color a picture, but she seems less interested in group events again. Her favorite staff member is back from maternity leave and mom seems to remember her name and is relived she is back. Even at her worst in health, I've never seen her this way before. My husband's grandparents had Parkinson's, as does his mom, and that is so much easier to relate to, as it seems steady and a slow decline.
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Reply to JustAnon
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The advantage of getting a dementia diagnosis is that dementia is universally accepted as something terminal nursing homes are for. If they can say you are merely schizophrenic, they can say you can function in a community by yourself with meds. Same with bipolar.

An Actual dementia diagnosis unlocks hospitals to be able to place such clients in a way that mental illness alone doesn’t.
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Reply to PeggySue2020
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JustAnon Sep 7, 2025
Thank you! I didn't realize that.
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Don’t mention the word Dementia to your mother. Many get upset by that .
So long as her behavior , delusions are managed and Mom is relatively calm don’t poke her . Keep communication with staff .
But just try to have pleasant visits with
Mom . When she’s upset about her memory , Say it’s ok , we all get forgetful as we get older. Then try to redirect .

I used to write on a calendar when I would visit my mother , so I could show her that I was indeed there 3 days ago . The calendar hung in the wall on Mom’s room .
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Reply to waytomisery
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Thanks everyone!
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Reply to JustAnon
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The care facility sounds really good. Your mom is in a safe, secured place that cares for her. No need to use the dementia word. One less thing for her to stress about. Maybe have a chat with the head of nursing for their feed back on how mom is doing.
As always, great advice here.
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Reply to Ariadnee
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It sounds like your mom is in a nice facility that you and your family are well pleased with, so I'm not sure what trying to find out if she has dementia or not would mean in the big picture of things. I mean it's not like you're going to take her out of the facility regardless of her "diagnosis", right?
As the saying goes...if it's not broken don't fix it.
Instead be grateful that your mom is were she needs to be and is being well taken care of and that you have family that cares enough about her to visit, even if mom doesn't remember.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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She probably has Anosognosia, so there's no point in arguing with her about what's "wrong" or why she's there. Based on what I've been reading on this forum over the years from adult children dealing with parents with life-long mental illness and personality disorders, it seems very tricky to sort NPD and schizophrenia from progressing dementia.

Now that she's there, keep her there. She needs to be someplace where she will take her meds regularly, have social interaction and be protected. You can tell her a therapeutic fib: she's there until her doctor says she can leave. This way, you're not the bad guy and you don't have to argue with her. When she gets argumentative, distract her with something else, change the subject, take her to an activity in her facility or pretend you got an urgent phone call and walk out.

Should I ask her current doctor to assess her for dementia? No, IMO.

Is this just normal forgetfulness of aging? Hard to know... there are many other health issues that can cause forgetfulness (ones that are not neurological).

What should I be looking for as far as behavioral changes? Hard to say, since everyone is different and you're not even sure what her actual diagnosis is.

Teepa Snow has some very good videos on YouTube about dementia, for caregivers. There are also lots of books, including one written by a woman whose Mom had life-long mental health issues (someone will hopefully post the name of the book).

I wish you wisdom and peace in your heart as you go on this journey with your Mom.
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