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I visit 2x a day, mom's a really happy person however, when I go there several of the other patients cling to me (I'm very friendly and do call most patients by name) and want me to walk with them and its causing an issue because its cutting into moms time and shes getting irritated and its waring on me at times. I actually had a patients relative (who was with her at the time) say to me today on my way to my moms room..." I have to talk to you, Susan cried for 90 min when you left yesterday and then again last night for and hour". I care about Susan but I was shocked and immediately felt awful. I don't know what to do, but I have to somehow detach a little because I need to be able to visit with my mom when I go there. Any suggestions? Am I doing something wrong? Please advise, Thanks

Family members often come to visit loved ones with end stage dementia twice a day in Memory Care, it's not unusual. You want to spend as much time with mom as you possibly can before you no longer have that opportunity, I get it. When you go for a visit, keep your head down and the goal in sight, walking briskly and with purpose. Nod or casually say hello to the other residents, but make it clear that you're on a mission and have to get where you're going, pronto. Stay businesslike and professional rather than super friendly and engaged.....it's the only way to prevent, or discourage, the clinginess from the other residents. If a resident latches onto you, gently redirect them in the opposite direction in which you're going. Either visit with mom in her room or find a quiet space outside to take her, where other residents aren't permitted to go, so you can have privacy and alone time uninterrupted.

Most times, the residents will not remember you from last time......they are only responding to you THIS time, as if it were their first and only interaction with you. Keep this in mind so you can allow yourself to enjoy your visits to the community without feeling guilty or obligated to the other residents
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Shell38314 Sep 9, 2019
Lealonnie, Wow, really good advice! Well said!
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This happens to me too, and to anyone who visits my Grandmother and who happened once to be even slightly friendly to some of the other residents. We've all had to learn to ignore certain residents who cling to us and talk at us nonstop and cut into our time with Grandma. Or we wheel Grandma away when they start in on us - mostly because Grandma gets really upset when they compete for our attention (she'll yell insults!). Also because some lazy staff have taken to wheeling some of these residents over and parking them beside us and then disappearing.
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I agree with JoAnn that you should consider going to visit less often. It’s possible that the people who cling to you think you work there. You might also consider turning your friendliness with these people down a bit. When you see them, simply say hello and move on. When you engage them in conversations they do become attached especially if their own families visit infrequently. They may even think you’re a family member.
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Floridagirl6 Sep 8, 2019
Thanks for your input, you gave me some great thoughts and ideas. I think she may very well think I work there or maybe I remind her of someone but I am always with my mom. I know that’s probably kinda irrelevant to the other residents as it’s a memory care facility. Thanks again.
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First, visiting Mom 2x a day is going to wear thin. Mom needs to get used to the facility and the routine and activities. She also needs to get used to the help of the aides. I know she just got there but u should eventually back off. Maybe once a day. See that she gets involved to a point. My Mom was not a game player but she liked the activities and entertainment. Mom is where she is so u have a life. Don't get urself in a groove where she has to see u daily. Live ur life.

Now the other problem. I would assume this lady has Dementia. So no amount of explaining that ur there for your Mom is going to get thru to her. She has latched onto you for a reason and that is not ur fault or ur responsibility. The family member was wrong in telling u that the woman was upset. I guess u could have said that u were sorry to hear it but...the time you have needs to be for your Mom. Maybe the family member should talk to the Nurse and ask if she can help you with resolving the womans attachment because you really r a stranger.
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Floridagirl6 Sep 8, 2019
Thanks for your thoughts...I live less than a mile from the my moms new home and I have been a main caregiver for her since her diagnosis several years ago, we have always been extremely close. I have 2 brothers who are close by as well but just don’t go visit her (at all) and so I’ve been there in the morning time for an hour or 2 ( leaving her at activities) and then after dinner I go visit with a snack and a game or pictures usually. I plan on scaling back on visits as mom gets acclimated.
As far as the family member, it caught me off guard ( it had been an emotional day for me) when she told me and then my mom walked into the hallway and I went to her, I do plan on talking to her and letting her know how sorry I am Susan got so upset. Thank you
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Wow, that's an interesting challenge... Is it possible to call ahead and have the staff take your mom to a place where you won't have to walk The Gauntlet? Or have one of the staff divert attention while you slip in? Otherwise, you can just keep walking and explain you will visit with them after your time with your mom (and hopefully they will wander off or forget about it) and make sure you shut the door during your visit? Good luck!
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Floridagirl6 Sep 9, 2019
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