Mom in AL and trying to lay guilt trip on me for not letting her live with my husband and I. Ideas how to respond?

Please do your best to not feel guilty - especially since you know there's no realistic way you can care for your mother at home. I've had three back surgeries, actually need a fourth. I have permeate nerve damage in one of my legs - walk with a limp and can't stand or walk for too long at a time. My dr says no lifting over ten pounds - ever! I have put off a hysterectomy for a prolapse for two years now but surgeon say I need to have it done within a year now. I have a disabled son at home - 22 yrs old but functions at a two yr old level. I have only two bedrooms on the main floor - hubby's and mine and my sons. There is a "whatever" room in our basement currently serving as a "man cave". Can't have my son in the basement so if mom lived here that would be her space. Mom can't manage stairs beyond two or three and that's with almost total assist. I would be up and down all day for meals, bath rooming/accidents, get me this and get me that...if she fell while hubby was at work 911 would have to come pick her up and actually hubby isn't suspose to do anything strenuous due to a dual heart condition. Mom is well aware of all these things YET she is still mad that I won't let her live with me. This is one I can let roll off my back and feel not even an ounce of guilt over - there is no way this could ever, ever work. Period. So unpack your baggage on this one - no guilt trip!

She has probably played the guilt card all her life. Don't take the guilt card, end the conversation. If she lived with you she would complain about "staring at the four walls."