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Got her out of NH after breaking her leg twice, being over medicated, doing PT til she got better. NH & staff DR. would have killed her if I left her past 100th Medicare day. I had 24/7 sitters +NH staff but..still, it takes an army to care for one person that is over medicated, dillusional, determined to be unsafe, irrational, argumental, & down rite nasty personality. She wasn't or didn't seem like that til all anethisa & other drugs administerd during & after her surgeries. I thought she was getting better & she is but all deep seeded buried angry stuff she suppressed from past is starting to make me think she's been faking her somewhat pleasant personality &/or like DR. says early demintia that could have been started from drugs. She had been taking care of my Dad (deceased this yr.).So I feel that she snapped. I really need her to stay in AL & since we all realize how she is behaving even with assistance she would be hard to manage even more at home. Her Drs. License expired during these last 12 months & she hopes to regain it @ 88yrs. old & that I would let her drive. No way..her reactions, her arthritis in her hands, she's using a wheelchair & just started using a rollator. It's her right leg she broke twice within 2 months time & will she be able to pick up & put wheelchair or rollator in her van & get in the vehicle & then, get either piece of equipment out without assistance? She has made some of the sitters upset, cry & quit so that leaves me in a bind to care for her & find replacement help so I can go home..but don't worry bout me she says--I can take care of myself. So this past week so far, she told off one of her dear old friends, my brother & his wife came to visit & left for a few days & saw how she manipulates & can turn on emotions & tears like a faucet. I told her I was hoping to get my grandkids & I'm going home. So I did leave after her New Years party @ AL, so I'm home enjoying being home with my husband & grand boys. Hope ya'll have a great Happy New Year & I'll get divine guidance!

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TV--Oh my mother fought us on the driving thing--same thing, she was using a walker (heavily leaning on it) and she had to show my brother HOW she was going to stow the thing, get in the car and then get back out. She couldn't even remember the garage door code! The big "bang" of taking away Mother's independence was nothing but a whimper. She gets friends to drive her, or brother who will take her to drs appts and to the store. It's a 20 minute job getting her in a car.
As far as the personality change--I firmly believe that general anesthesia can do awful things to the brain. My mother never recovered fully from her last surgery and I do blame the anesthesia (My DIL is an anesthesiologist and swears this is not possible, but in asking her how many patients she "follows" post op, her answer was "none".) Mother loses a little more "filter" with each surgery and she is currently seeking to have more done (86.....) She actually wants to die under anesthesia, and all that happens is she gets dementia with it and it takes months to get her "back".
YOU don't have to do anything but make sure she's taken care of. Period. Sounds like you don't live by her. So calls and visits as deemed necessary, I guess. NOBODY wants to be in AL, nobody I know, anyway. She's going to guilt you, and you are going to have to be strong. I know, because we're getting there with mother and it's not going to be pretty. OF COURSE she doesn't like it--but think how many times in your life you have to do things you don't LIKE or WANT to do? Sadly, what our folks (and we) WANT for EOL, is probably not what we're going to get.
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TV--Oh my mother fought us on the driving thing--same thing, she was using a walker (heavily leaning on it) and she had to show my brother HOW she was going to stow the thing, get in the car and then get back out. She couldn't even remember the garage door code! The big "bang" of taking away Mother's independence was nothing but a whimper. She gets friends to drive her, or brother who will take her to drs appts and to the store. It's a 20 minute job getting her in a car.
As far as the personality change--I firmly believe that general anesthesia can do awful things to the brain. My mother never recovered fully from her last surgery and I do blame the anesthesia (My DIL is an anesthesiologist and swears this is not possible, but in asking her how many patients she "follows" post op, her answer was "none".) Mother loses a little more "filter" with each surgery and she is currently seeking to have more done (86.....) She actually wants to die under anesthesia, and all that happens is she gets dementia with it and it takes months to get her "back".
YOU don't have to do anything but make sure she's taken care of. Period. Sounds like you don't live by her. So calls and visits as deemed necessary, I guess. NOBODY wants to be in AL, nobody I know, anyway. She's going to guilt you, and you are going to have to be strong. I know, because we're getting there with mother and it's not going to be pretty. OF COURSE she doesn't like it--but think how many times in your life you have to do things you don't LIKE or WANT to do? Sadly, what our folks (and we) WANT for EOL, is probably not what we're going to get.
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TV, some people just don't age well. My Mom was one, heaven forbid if a doctor told her that some ailment was age related. Mom hated the idea of aging, and it sounds like your Mom is the same. She's not a happy camper and doesn't want to age gracefully and live where it is the safest place for her. Oh, I've also heard "we can manage" from my parents when I knew first hand they couldn't.

Your Mom could also be upset and angry that her husband [your Dad] left her by passing away. That wasn't in their master plan when they were younger and planning their retirement.

It was my Dad's doctor that told my Dad he could no longer drive, and he accepted that.... but there are some elders who would say "that doctor doesn't know what he/she is talking about"... [sigh]. I can just picture your Mom trying to put a rolling walker into her vehicle, those things aren't easy for us able bodied soles. Keep making excuses why you can't take her to the Division of Motor Vehicles.

How long has your Mom been in Assisted Living? If it has been a short time, like a couple of weeks, she needs mega time to adjust and to make friends. The Staff knows how to handle such personalities.
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Is the AL telling you that she must have someone with her 24/7? That would be an indication to me that she needs a higher, or different level of care, or better psychiatric meds.

Just remember. This is not your child. This is your mother. You are not under legal obligation to care for her, unless you've been appointed her guardian. I'm sorry if that sounds cruel. But sometimes we have to remember this.
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