Yet another long post. Too many questions running through my head tonight. Mom had to be rushed to the hospital tonight. She is back with pneumonia and had a stroke at some point over the last 24 hours. She had been showing signs since the guy who is her POA, said her right eye was drooping on Friday when he came to see her. Saturday she was sleeping most of the day or lethargic due to the stroke onset but I saw her last night for two hours and she seemed no more off than usual.

Somewhere last night she took a turn for the worse. Her breathing sats dropped to practically nil,. She has COPD w/ emphysema for the last 10 + years now. Chronic, congestive heart failure, atrial fibrillation (AF) on top of that she had a bout with pneumonia back last month.. Personally, I think she never quite kicked it out of her system.

After she was taken to the ER she started having more issues stroke wise. They did a sternum rub which is incredibly painful, pricking her fingers, tickling her toes... nothing no response to pain at all. Scary, I am home for the time being. Doc said he is reducing her Digoxin to see if her heart will come around back to somewhat normal for her anyway. But would take many hours to see if that was working and how well it is. She kept dropping to 35 beats per minute! That along with her pulse ox being at 85 was really hard on her. Add in pneumonia and she is a bit of a train wreck right now.

She did this all of this last month (minus the stroke, she had had a TIA or CVA event but not a stroke like this time that showed up in the CT scan. Her CT scan back then was pretty normal for someone her age and background they said.)

We had another conversation about "what if" ... We all came to the same conclusions and decided what we needed to do. No heroic measures taken should she go down hill. She will be 90 this Aug. She has had enough suffering this past year and the past three months, big time.

It hurts so much to see her get scared, anxious and they put her on anxiety meds and she has a huge CPAP machine on and she is restrained because she kept trying to take that CPAP mask off. She opens her eyes slightly, talks more like mumbles even without the mask on. Tonight, late when we were there, she recognized me as her daughter and she recognized her POA and his mom who was there with us.

I have been desperately trying to keep my husband out of this as much as possible. Plus is in the Army so I try my best to keep him freed up as many things as I can, so he can focus on what is really important at the time. Plus, he has his own health issues and scares going on, I do not need him stressing over mom or for that matter over me and how I am reacting to all of this. At some point though, I told him I will get that call and he will have to go with me. Because the next call I get from her POA will not be good if it happens in the next several hours.

So far what has helped me is my sister who listens intently and gives advice and is very supportive. She is not my biological sister but my best friend since jr. high school. My husband when he is not ranting about getting conservatorship and guardianship and my doc who has helped me with some meds. But most of all… RIGHT HERE ON THIS CAREGIVER SITE! Very few people near me or that I know, have endured what I have gone through over the past three months. But here, it seems everyone knows something about it all. I cannot thank each and every one of you who have responded to me in various ways on here, enough for what you have made me realize and accept. I do not feel alone in my world. Nor do I feel ill-equipped in making the right decisions.

Plus, listening to some of your stories, rather reading them, have been a sanity save of sorts for me. I have learned sooo much! Thank you all for everything. Hugs, messages, and posts. It means the world to me. I can only hope that each of you find the support you need like I do.

Here are my questions for you all. Please chime in with your thoughts and experiences. Any and all are appreciated.

Has anyone else gone down this road where the person makes multiple trips to the ER after being admitted to a nursing home due to severe medical emergencies? How do you handle it? How long did it take for them to pass? Did you give them permission to pass? (As in telling them, it is ok, you have had enough and do not want to fight any longer. I am fine, I am being taken care of mom, I am going to be ok without you. Just let go and as some would say, and let God stop all of the pain kinda talk.) What kind of a toll did it take on your family?

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I am so sorry you are going through this difficult time. When my Dad passed last year he was alert until the last two weeks. I told him soon after diagnosis and other times during his illness that he did not need to feel guilty when it was time to go. I told him we (My husband and our children) will not abandon Mom. you have been a wonderful dad and grandfather, I will miss you here on earth, and be at peace knowing we'll get to see you again. Fight as long as you want, and go when God summons and you feel ready and at peace with going. I like to think that was a great relief to him.

I feel like permission to go can be a the greatest of gifts to a dying loved one.

During the last two weeks there came a time that it was a relief to know it was nearly over and he would no longer be in pain.

Hoe that somewhere in these words you will find bits of comfort.
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AnArmyWife, Your mother may welcome the words that it is okay for her to leave. Her body sounds worn out from the health problems. Peace be with you and your family.
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Hugs and prayers at this difficult time I do believe some people want to hear the words that it is okay to let go and go with God. Assuring your Mom that you will be okay and thanking her for all she has meant to you, will be calming and relaxing to her. Just go with your heart as far as the words.
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