Two weeks ago mother was placed in hospice care. She has been given a number of pain medications and they have increased them sevral times. Yet although mom is on a variety of medications still complains of pain. Mom has dimentia (mom is 85) and I wonder if she is really in pain all the time. I am finding this very difficult to deal with. I speak and visit Hospice team often, but that has not helped ... I know she is dying .. but is she suffering, I feel I am suffering watching her dye so unhappy,... ? I dont know what to believe when we talk... I have been moms caregiver for 6 years and there is no more I can do. I hate to see her leave this world suffering and so unhappy... but maybe she isnt?? Lost....

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I'm so sorry you are going through this. Generally, hospice can control pain quite well, generally with morphine. Perhaps you should talk with your mom's doctor and see if there's a better way to medicate her.

Sometimes when someone is in a lot of pain and near death they/we have to decide if it's better to give more medication and let them sleep a lot or give less and have them more wakeful but experience some pain.

Not every hospice is the same, but the hospice that took care of my parents was wonderful. They kept them both pain free starting with small doses of morphine, but increasing it, especially with mom, with bone cancer being so painful. They did, however, keep her out of pain and that was our goal. She had said, "I'm so tired of hurting" many, many times, so that was our wish, too.

My heart goes out to you. I hope you'll double check with the doctor. The only thing I can think of other than real physical pain as far as your mom is concerned is that she can't find the right word for how she feels. She may be lonely and calls that pain. In that case, you can only do what you can. Be with her as much as you can. But don't go on a guilt trip.
Take care of yourself, too.
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