Mom hogs our family room all day. Please help. - AgingCare.com

Mom hogs our family room all day. Please help.

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Mom moved in 90 on a walker and is housebound. We moved her in with us due to falls, fragility. She sits in ths family room all day coughing and watching tv. Nobody else wants to be in there with her as she coughs, asks you do to stuff for her, so we are in our bedrooms. I don't want to put her in a nursing home but I'd like my house back. Please help.

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I agree about the BP meds. My Mom had a tickle all the time. Sucked on cough drops all the time. Change of med made the difference. I was lucky I guess. I live in a split level. Mom was in the bottom level, family room. She had her bed, lounge chair and TV down there. A small bath too. Husband felt I should have her in he den with me, but it's small and I needed my time alone with no TV going all day. She came up for dinner and watched TV with us till time for bed. She spent 8 months in an AL and now is in long-term because of a downward spiral.
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Hi Chill. I'm so sorry for what you had to deal with as a child. I'm also very happy your sister is coming to give you a well deserved break. Finding your mom a nice place in the fall is an excellent idea. . Congrats to you for being able to care for your mom with the family history of her dad. You are a very special person
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Thanks for all your relies. I love this site and check in daily for support. It's more complicated as I have issues with my Mom. Growing up her father lived with us and grandpa couldn't keep his hands off of me starting when I was only about 8 years old until I was about 11 or 12 when I put a stop to it myself. To this day I resent my mom as I don't know how this could have gone on for years. She is really preoccupied with her own needs is all I can figure. I was able to get over this and we were very close for years I took her on vacations for years. But now that we are both older and living together having to do everything for her is bringing this all up and it's not heathy. My sister is coming to give me a break we are going on a weeks vacation and probably will discuss placing her in a new beautiful home 1 mile from me opening this fall. Affordable for us. I think our relationship could get back on track if I could visit her. My older sister is very supportive and is the POA she live 1000 miles away and has an 84 yr old husband to care for. I am only 62. Thanks for all the replies.
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I understand. so many roles that don't get to be lived normally when an elder parent is in the home daily/ yearly. I know how your mom felt. I totally get your moms loss of spontaneity. I hope this hasn't damaged my daughter  for ever. I don't think so.  I know she would agree with your last sentence.
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My mom and my grandmother had a very strained relationship; my Gm was a very strait laced formal person., so my mother was not able to be as spontaneous as I think she could have been otherwise. My grandmother was also quite disapproving of the fact that we didn't go to parochial school and that my mother had married outside of her Irish ethnic group ( horrors--daddy was an Eye-talian!). In short, there were a lot of underlying tensions that made me want to be almost anyplace other than home.
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Ok thank you. I just feel even though she has benefited especially in her youth, she wishes it was a more nuclear family. She's a well adjusted 21 year old. She just gets a little annoyed that my mom is here 24/7. Thanks again for answering
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Erin, that's a hard question. I have some fond memories of the years grandma lived with us ( we always did the vocabulary stuff in the readers digest together) but in sum, having her live with us took up a lot of my mom's energy. It was not an ideal situation, emotionally.
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Awe Jessie Belle, I'm so sorry. I hope you get a break from your brother. No one can do this 24/7 aline
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Hi Barb Brooklyn. Got a question for you. Do you have any lingering resentment towards your parent whose parent lived with you? I ask because my daughter has lived with my mom here her entire life
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Erin, I am it when it comes to my mother. She couldn't get into my brother or SIL's vehicles even if they offered to take her anywhere. She also won't do anything or be with anybody if I'm not there. I guess you could say I'm her security blanket. It is scary what she does if my brother comes visit. When they drive up, she screams like a banshee for me until I get in the room, like she's afraid I won't be there when they finally reach the door. When they get in the room, my nerves are shattered from the screaming. I wonder if the house would collapse if I didn't get there in time. :)
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