My brother and I are at wits end with my mother and her constant complaining about everything at AL. Gosh, that first sentence sounded cold. We are loving and caring siblings who just want the best for Mom. After a fall that put her in the hospital and then rehab, she is in AL "until the Spring". Awful to say, but she is tremendously controlling and is a mean spirited person who gets joy out of barking at the health care workers until they are afraid to come into her room. She expects to go home in the Spring, but I don't know how to tell her that I won't be her health care coordinator. I want to be her daughter. She won't listen to anything I say, and once told me to stop talking to her like a nurse (I am one) When I tried to have a discussion with her about this she just snarled, "I'll call 911". My brother has said that if she comes up with a plan, he'll take her home. She refuses a medical alert device, stair rails,and a health care agency. We both know she will hate whoever comes to assist her and will be calling us when she fires them. She is unstable and fell 5 times last year and continues to tell us that she can fall anywhere so she might as well be home. She has no signs of dementia to speak of and knows exactly what she is doing. She recently hurt my feelings to a tremendous degree by her nasty words and I stayed away for 3 days, all the time feeling guilty. I have to say that it did my heart good for the first time since Dad died 7 years ago to know that I COULD stay away and be assured that she was safe and sound and not on the floor in a dire state. My questions are many, but here are the main ones.
1) Am I making it worse by visiting constantly?
2) If she were to go home, how can I not be the person with the main responsibility.
3) How can I stop being so resentful when she talks about her wonderful yearly stays in Florida with my dad. I am the age she was when she began her trips with no family responsibility. My life is consumed with her wishes/wants/complaints.