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Probably started because I wanted her to put together her will. She always said she wanted to leave everything to me so I wrote that on a piece of paper which she signed and gave it to the lawyer. She is now beside herself and will not entertain a will and distrusts me because I "just want her money." I am the person who has done everything for her and manage her finances so she has money (only child - no relatives). Guess I shouldn't have brought up the will. She lives alone in her home and manages pretty well with a few people coming over (that I have set up) on a daily basis. Any thoughts? I am distraught but I know it's the dementia. I do have POA.

My dad is 92 with dementia. I started going to his house every Saturday almost 4 years ago to help him with bills and finances. I recently was awarded guardianship and conservatorship. Now he trusts me less than ever, although he always welcomes my help on Saturdays. It's an up and down thing. In our case, I think it's the dementia talking.
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Reply to Babs75
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Oh dear.

I'm afraid your guess is probably right, that you shouldn't have brought up the will. Or not like that, anyway :/

How long has this been going on? Do you not think she'll calm down about it in a day or two?

If her dementia is bad enough for her to be becoming actually paranoid she probably shouldn't be making a will anyway, and as Margaret points out you'll likely be the sole beneficiary if she dies intestate.

The recommended practice is to put together a whole bundle of tasks that "responsible people do when they want to put their affairs in order." For seniors who are in any way tidy-minded it helps them to get all of the unpleasant subjects out of the way in one go - wills, springing DPOAs, health care directives, funeral preferences. Then they can go and have a stiff drink and never have to think about it again.

Actually, come to that - was it not suggested when she did the POA that she might think about her will, too? They're often done together. Are you quite sure it wasn't?

If she's still sore with you in a few days' time, then explain the facts to her candidly and reassure her that nothing has been done and a line has been drawn. But I wouldn't bring it up again meanwhile, just carry on as normal and let her recover herself.
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Reply to Countrymouse
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DrCarol56 Nov 14, 2018
Ha - She is already "better" and happy with me. Roller coaster! Thanks for your reply!
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If you are the only child and your mother is a widow, I am pretty sure that you would inherit everything in an intestacy. If so, and the matter is important to you, you could get back the piece of paper and tear it up in front of her. Tell her that you love her more than the money etc. Alternatively you could tell her that the lawyer has told you that the piece of paper will have no effect (which is true if it isn't properly witnessed), and you don't want to go ahead with a will because you care more about her being upset than the money. The POA isn't relevant on this issue.
You have my sympathy.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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DrCarol56 Nov 14, 2018
Thanks for your reply - its hard isn't it?
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